Algorithm of Hamartithia

Discussion in 'UTAU Writing' started by UtauYork, Apr 2, 2012.

  1. UtauYork

    UtauYork Momo's Minion

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    I might change the title.

    Here's chapter one. And a DA alternative to it here.

    I definitely need more practice writing.

    Unlike some other stories, this one doesn't begin with a 'once upon a time' and it also doesn't end with a 'happily ever after'. It isn't necessary, nor is it true. But have no fear. Just because it isn't directly mentioned, it doesn't mean that one of these unlucky souls isn't going to live on happily. Just keep in mind that no one has the same ending.

    Veering off to another topic, life and death is a fragile thing. Death is feared, but it follows immediately after life no matter what. Life itself is a plethora of confusion. Power, wealth, greed, fear, hatred, grief, and many more can make a kind and peaceful world turn into a land of chaos and evil.

    This story begins at the start of the most horrible failures of all time. I'm not berating anyone; it simply is what it is. Don't try to look for the scapegoat; the chaos that engulfed the land that this story of morals takes place in was caused by every single person. Everyone helped its demise.

    ****====****

    A grassy landscape. Blue skies; the uneven ground filled with insects and other miniature creatures. A dirt road was displayed in the middle of it all and was covered with different sizes of rocks, pebbles, and fading footprints. As a woman walked along the road, new imprints were made, although the ambiance of the summer afternoon remained the same.

    Chirps, rustling, the wind; even the distant and pattern-less cry of the farm animals remained unchanged by the unfamiliar presence of such on odd and quiet stranger.

    The stranger, although unmoved by the appearance of the unoccupied area, was in a bit of a hurry. Even though her steps were light, smooth, and had no rhythm of a quickened pace, time seemed to be running out for her.

    There were no signs of any danger, and yet her mind was plagued by worries and filled with anxiety. Her worries weren’t exactly something a normal human would have to worry about, however. The people after her were on a different level of danger; their weapons weren’t even made of metal. In fact, their weapons were invisible until they attacked.

    But by then, you would be dead.

    And even if the woman had the exact same powers as them, she didn’t believe in using them to defend herself. Why use something you were so against before? Why use something that you still thought was evil?

    Then again… what would be the purpose of learning it in the first place if you were to never use it again?

    The woman smiled sadly as if she were remembering why and continued to walk on down the dirt road.

    ****====****

    "The young miss we talked to yesterday. Do you remember her?" A pair of elder women walked along a busy road that was lined with shops for food and clothing. As their slow steps somehow managed to merge with the fast-paced ones of the much younger residents of the city, the more unapproachable-looking one made a grunting sound in annoyance.

    "Bah. Yes, I do, which you’re lucky for. What about her?” The other woman sighed slightly and uttered her next sentence in a loud whisper.

    "The young miss went missing." She made the grunting sound again, but louder.

    "As usual. All these naive, young girls. Gone! They shouldn't be wandering off on their own."

    "What if she was kidnapped?" The nicer of the two looked at the other worriedly.

    "Oh, really? Maybe this kidnapper took all the others as well!” She shook her finger at the other to try and prove her point. “No, like all the others, she was food for the beasts. The only place to properly hold all these young girls comfortably would be in that castle over there, and we all know our king would never do that. Too much of a gentleman." After that statement, they both remained quiet and continued to their destination.

    As they walked on, they didn't happen to notice a young villager pause in his almost unnoticeable stumbling to listen to their conversation. When they stopped, he continued on again, tripping over his two feet with every other step he took. Usually gaining his balance quickly soon after, he didn't have to ask to have anyone help him move on.

    <i>‘I am definitely not used to these eyes. There was almost no need for them; I was doing much better with sound alone. Even if I could see through them just slightly, it didn’t change anything.’</i>

    In a humorous way (Although it wasn’t as funny to him.), the young man ended up tripping into a person in front of him. Expecting the worse, he pushed himself back up effectively enough to stand upright and back away from the person. As the stranger turned around to look at the person that rudely bumped into him, he started apologizing.

    “I am very sorry, sir. I, ah, didn’t mean to bump into you. I just happened to recover from this minor head sickness, you see, and-“ The man that turned around smiled kindly and raised a hand to stop him from continuing on. He did, and sighed in relief at the niceness of the villager.

    “That’s fine, young man, but you shouldn’t be out and around if you just recovered. Seeing as you’re already outside, though, how about I help you to your destination? Not everyone will be as helpful as me, you know.” The young man nodded gratefully and somewhat shyly.

    “That would be very nice. Could you take me to the prince’s castle?” The older man nodded and walked alongside the other, helping him every time he started to stumble just a bit.

    “Of course. What’s your name, young man? And might I ask what business you have there, going to the king’s home and all?”

    “Ah, my name is Ceil, sir. I’m just going to the castle to visit one of my friends. He happens to be a guard there.” Ceil frowned at having to lie to the nice man.

    ****====****

    “Here you are! I hope you have a nice visit with your friend. I’ll be off.” Ceil bowed his head to the man beside him in thanks.

    “Thank you for your kindness. Have a good day, sir.” Ceil tipped his hat that had managed to not fall off his head at him as he left. As soon as the kind stranger was out of sight, Ceil glanced up at the large gate that surrounded the even larger castle in front of him. With a nervous stare, Ceil looked around the area apprehensively and hurried into the woods that surrounded the prince’s home.

    <i>‘How did I get myself caught up in this mess?’</i>

    Trying not the be seen by anyone who could have possibly wandered into the tree-infested area like him, he quickly reached for a skirt inside of a satchel that he had with him and put it on. The skirt had no top so he could just put it on over his pants and it matched with his own top enough for it to look like a complete dress. Bending low to make sure it covered the pants under it (While almost completely falling over in the process.), he sighed as he pulled himself straight back up and dusted himself off. He pulled off his hat as well to add to the appearance he was trying to pull off and set it beside the satchel he had left on the ground while he was getting dressed.

    He turned back around suddenly as he started walking back to the gate to reach his hand into his satchel once more. “I need this.” As his hands appeared back from the fabric, his hands appeared with a rather fancy-looking envelope that was open at the top and empty.

    “She left this, but took the envelope. Maybe I could use this to get in as well. It smells sort of weird.” As he walked out of the woods, he gripped the envelope in his hands.

    <i>‘Please let my hunch be right…’</i> Reaching out, Ceil pushed open the gate with surprising ease. Flinching as it creaked, he peered at the luminous appearance of the castle ahead of him.

    Head full of apprehension, it took Ceil quite some time to register the fact inside his head that he had made it faster to the main castle doors than he had imagined. Only a second after realizing it, the doors had opened to a handsome prince with his arms spread out wide. He had obviously seen Ceil standing outside from a window and had taken the initiative to open them before he could knock. As Ceil heard the ridiculous greeting that had given him certainty that he had been right with his hunch, he pulled out a dagger nervously and secretively from his sleeve and stabbed the prince as he unknowingly welcomed him into his arms.

    ****====****

    When the woman finally walked off of the country-side dirt road and onto a cobblestone path of a bustling city in the Kingdom of Antitatis, she realized that something wasn’t right. Trying to remain optimistic, she walked further into the city and was immediately bombarded with people running left and right.

    “The prince was killed!”

    “Our daughters are saved!”

    “The prince is gone, but had been replaced!” The woman shook her head.

    <i>‘It seems like there’s drama everywhere I go.'</i>

    ****====****

    <i>“I’m sorry. What you did was wrong.”

    “How did you know that I…?”

    “It… was a hunch.”

    “…Oh. I see.”</i>

    Ceil ran the images over and over again in his mind. The words, the scene, the blood, the dagger in his hand, and the women fleeing from the castle and into the night. Ceil had been in shock from what he had done, so he had sat in the castle in a daze, leaving the body of the former and obviously demented prince to rot in front of the doors.

    When word finally got out early the next day that the prince was evil, but had been killed, people rushed to the castle to see what to do. To see what should happen. Seeing as quite a few of the people that came there had missing wives or daughters, they announced that he should be the next prince, just because he had saved them.

    Ceil didn’t really think it actually worked out that way, but he accepted nonetheless.

    <i>‘I could rule much better than a false king who stole women.’</i>

    Now he was standing alone in a castle, with a few people crowding around to clean the place up from the last king. Apparently there was a woman who had just recently bore a young girl from the king, but Ceil hadn’t been listening that much. The mother had died at birth, but there was another girl that had taken the responsibility of taking care of the royal child.

    Ceil gazed out a large window of the castle on the top story in his new home and watched as the sun rose up higher in the sky.

    “It’s a new beginning…” <i>‘…And not a very good one. I’m sorry.’</i>
     
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  3. SakisCookie

    SakisCookie Momo's Minion Defender of Defoko

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    Ooh. Very nice. ouo

    A few things, though...

    You should vary your sentence structure, because there are times when it gets repetitive. You especially repeat certain phrases a lot.

    Ex: "...he sighed as he pulled himself straight back up and dusted himself off. He pulled off his hat as well to add to the appearance he was trying to pull off and set it beside the satchel he had left on the ground while he was getting dressed."


    Also, it's a little disruptive to break so many times. Not like it shatters the flow, but it does seem a little jarring at times. Try to merge as many sections as you can without making it run-on.

    But, yeah. All in all, it's really great. Looking forward to more. <3
     
  4. Berin

    Berin Momo's Minion

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    That turned out pretty good until now :3
    But I also have a few things to mention...
    Maybe you could have written it a bit more detailed, I also wonder why he killed the prince; that wasn't mentioned, was it? And isn't the man's name Ciel, not Ceil? I don't know if you took the UTAU Ciel Sekaine there or if it's an own character who's name is Ceil because you always wrote it as "Ceil" o.O
    But overall it is very nice!
     
  5. UtauYork

    UtauYork Momo's Minion

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    Ah, thanks for at least telling me. I'll try to pay more attention to it. ovo And thank you for actually liking it too. xD


    Well, I tried. xD I've been working hard to put as much detail into anything I write as I can because that's sort of one of my weakness', but I'll try better next time. Ah, the reason he killed the prince isn't actually supposed to be known. But it was implied that he did it because he had a hunch that the prince was doing bad things.

    Or was it not? ono Oh. Well.

    =^= I wrote it wrong? Oh, I did. Yes, it's Ciel, not Ceil. I checked; I could have sworn it was the second. I'll try to fix that later.  It was Ciel Sekaine. xD But, ah. Thank you. ovo
     
  6. Pianodream

    Pianodream Momo's Minion

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    How come I did not see that earlier? XD

    Well, I must say congratulations. Ciel always has been the "Kaito" of the Venomania songs, and you captured hir "tragic" side, stunned in both horror and sadness.

    I like it very much. I wonder how zhe will rule the Venomania dominion though. XD
     
  7. NicolaCola

    NicolaCola Ruko's Ruffians Defender of Defoko

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    Omigosh whooaaaaaaa. That chapter had quite a bit of action in it, makes me excited for more of this fic~ (Though I did notice this really late, sorry. XD)

    The individual characters that you portrayed were extremely dramatic and fabulous, but some of the general actions that sound really important to the plot were kind of skipped over, I think.

    For example, the girls going back to the village, people finding out about what happened, the crowning of Ciel as prince, and the mother with child who died. I feel like you could have described events as they were happening to portray these instead of summarizing what happened with a sentence or two. In the parts that you did deliberate on, you had plenty of details, so I would try adding specifics to those really general events to make them scenes rather than summaries.

    Another, more general comment, I think it would be good to include more sensory observations than just sight, like smell, touch, sound, and taste. Mentioning that the envelope smelled strange was good (though I'm assuming that's more of a plot point than just description), and if you incorporated more of those kinds of details into your writing, I think that you would find that your style will get even better~

    I understand that this was the first chapter, which I can tell was meant to be mysterious and general and left unexplained until later, so these tips might not have come quite so much into play here, but I hope that you'll at least keep my advice in mind when writing later chapters.
    Aside from that, I really liked a lot of what you did with the individual characters. The thoughts, the descriptions, the dramatic reflections, all of those were really intriguing, and I'm seeing the elements of the songs you mentioned starting to emerge, too. Can't wait for the next chapter!
     
  8. UtauYork

    UtauYork Momo's Minion

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    Chapter Two [Part 1]:

    The whole kingdom was in an uproar as the castle and the main city flooded with excitement for a new beginning.

    Ciel hadn't officially become the prince of the kingdom yet, but everyone had already started to address him as such. The whole castle was buzzing with new servants and soldiers that were finally allowed to walk along the castle grounds after being exiled away from it by the previous king. Everything seemed right once more.

    Even as everyone was happy and bustling with excitement, there was still an ignored, tense presence of fear around the castle that gripped around everyone's neck loosely, as if it was waiting to tighten with any wrong move. It was why none of the women came back to the castle, and why some others vowed to never visit ‘that dastardly place’ as long as they lived. The only females that were even relatively close to it were the children of the soldiers that lived on the training grounds. It was closer to the castle than the city, but it was surrounded completely by forest and only had two paths that you could travel through. One path lead to the city and the other traveled to the castle. That path had been cut off by a large, locked gate until Ciel came, however.

    And even though no women came back, one girl never left. She was polite, nice, kind and slightly shy; not rude at all. If you thought about it, you would think fate to be cruel to put such a kind person into such a horrid position at the young age of fourteen.

    She had barely arrived at the King's castle when Ciel had come to free everyone. Before that had occurred, as the girl was blindly led by magic, she had been sent to look after a new-born child that had lost its mother a few hours before and would have later been 'repaid', but after only an hour, the King had been killed and the spell had been broken. Like an old and rusted lock that had just simply fallen apart after years of wear and tear.

    Still, the young girl couldn't leave the small life wrapped inside the rough, wool cloth, even after realizing she was free from being bound to the king that no longer lived. She was only a little angry at the thought of holding a baby in her arms that bore the same eyes as the evil that tried to steal her and the others away forever. But after only a few moments, the negative emotion quickly faded away.

    Now, as the girl set the baby down in a crib especially made for any new-born royal child, she contemplated on why she couldn't leave now, as she had the chance to run away only a few hours ago. Remembering her access to an easy getaway, the girl realized that she never actually had one. Leaving the baby alone there was most likely never an option for her.

    <i>"What are you doing here? I thought all the women had gone."

    "No, sir... I-I-"

    "Yes?"

    "There was a baby..."</i>

    After she spoke those words to a stranger dressed in simple village clothes who had suddenly entered the room she had been in, he had told her to stay put, and that he would later arrive back to the nursery to tell her what was to become of her. He did, and the information she was given was that she was to take care of the child for just a certain amount of time.

    She had asked how long that was, expecting an answer that would have easily been accepted, but had gotten something else instead.

    <i>"A few years. At the least."</i>

    That had certainly surprised her.

    <i>"...Isn't there someone else to look after her?"

    "No. Stay here; someone will come to inform you later of your living arrangements, duties, and pay."</i>

    And just like that, he had told her, once again, to stay put and wait right there, before leaving away as well.

    Not knowing what to do, she had tried taking care of the child after that, and from that moment until now, she had switched between taking the baby out of the crib and holding it for gazing out a window that seemed to entice her.

    Of all the things in the room; the tan walls that seemed to calm down your very soul, to the lovely, white, wooden and polished furniture that was made up of the crib, the rocking chair, the odd changing table, and the chest full of toys:

    The window interested her the most. The whole area itself was arranged like a triangle, where the flat surface was where the end wall was at, with a door in the middle of it. As you got more into the room, the sides started to close in, until you reached the other end where the figurative triangle had gotten the point cut off and was deformed into a straight wall that helped fit the entire room. The window was placed there, and instead of being small and insignificant, it took up the whole wall from top to bottom and from side to side.

    On the outside, you could see the main city in the distance where you could practically smell the fresh produce being sold on one of the main roads, taste the fresh air, and hear the click clack of your shoes hitting the ground as you walked. Below, you could see the bunched up tops of the forest surrounding the castle. The sky was obviously visible as well, and gazing out the window allowed the viewer to catch a glimpse of any of the things floating and gliding inside of the vast blue.

    Looking out of the window past her blonde hair once again, this time with the baby in her arms, the girl realized that the glass wall was a bit of a hazard, but immediately ruled that out when the thought of it being gone made her feel uneasy. A triangle-shaped room would seem extremely claustrophobic and dark without the window being there.

    And no one really likes those types of bad feelings.

    "Ma'am?" Before the sudden voice had spoken up, the girl jumped slightly at the sound of a door banging the wall. Looking down at the baby, she realized that it was still asleep despite the wall being harshly hit by the swinging door, and as gently as she could, she placed the child into the rocking crib. Slowly, she turned towards the source of the voice.

    "Yes?" He was different than the servant that had been in the room earlier, but his appearance made her feel no more comfortable. He looked young and slightly fit, but his unusually wide eyes and tasseled light brown hair made her feel uncomfortable.

    "The prince has called for you. He wants to talk about your... predicament. He’s in the garden." Glancing back at the baby, and back to him, she nodded.

    "O-okay. But who will take care of her while I'm gone? It's... my job to watch her, isn't it?"

    "Well, that's no problem." He casually glided into the room, striding past the girl and to the crib that rested beside her. "I'll kindly look after her while you're needed by the prince elsewhere. No need to worry, ma'am." She nodded hesitantly before walking out to the hall that happened to look cleaner than it did when she entered the castle about a day ago. Trusting the strange servant, she started walking down the hall towards the prince.

    "Miss... I believe you are going the wrong way." Flushing in embarrassment, she turned around as swiftly as she could and began walking in the right direction.

    ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕

    Walking through the rows of green bushes that smelled like mint, and through the colorful flowers that seemed to dull some of the senses with its beauty, confused the girl. Not being completely native to the land, she could name only a few of the plants that she came across, and those were the ones that could grow in any country; not just the one she currently resided in.

    Focusing on her walk through the pleasant garden, she remembered what she was actually there for, thanks to another servant that had kindly given her some easy directions to follow. She tried to limit her view on the magical flowers that majestically displayed multiple colors which blended together more smoothly than it should have. She was having a tough time, seeing as even the ones that seemed invisible when you looked at them completely drew your attention when you looked away.

    Walking along the brick path that was lined frantically with the many overgrown plants, she also noticed that some of the more regular, non-flower types changed color in its leaves as you passed directly in front of it. Not knowing what it meant when the plant had almost unnoticeably turned into a nervous-looking green from its regular shade, she tried to pay no mind to it liked she had been failing to do before.

    <i>'I shouldn't be looking at flowers when I have something much more important to tend to, but these flowers look so... No. Focus, Sakura.'</i>

    "You! What are you doing in Prince Ciel's garden?" Jolting her head up quick enough for her neck to feel a warm sting of pain, Sakura looked to where the offending voice came from.

    "I-I'm supposed to- I-" A large man dressed behind dark clothing, and who also happened to be standing just barely in her view behind the tall bushes, started walking gallantly towards her as soon she caught sight of him and his impressively frightening voice. As he came closer, Sakura realized that not only was his voice extremely intimidating, but so was his appearance.

    Behind his light blue hair carried brave, green eyes that scared her as he approached and with him advancing faster towards her, she started backing away ever so slightly. Something about him seemed off.

    As he came even closer, she figured out why. The black clothing he wore was the strict uniform that the Knights or Warriors of Antitatis wore. The symbol on the chest was almost as dark as the fabric and the grey dragon was dark and menacing. It was made that way to scare enemies. It seemed counterproductive, though, as they also bore armor that covered it up in battle. Usually the civilians only saw the symbol, but for them, they felt that as a sign of comfort instead of fear. Not to Sakura. That dragon fit on his chest meant that he was most likely stronger than her, and that he could easily drag her out of the castle grounds.

    "You're not allowed to be here unless you're a servant, and so far from what I have heard, there have only been men. What's your business here, and how come you got here in the first place?" Still extremely nervous, she began to try to make some words come out of her mouth, but when her much more feminine voice happened to not reach the knight's ears, who, in the first place, was probably more accustomed to hearing more yelling than anything else, reached for her arm, only to be stopped by an ambiguous character calling out to them.

    "Knight, what ar-" Upon reaching them, Ciel turned to the knight first, giving him an inquisitive look. "…What are you doing here, knight? Don't you have... training to attend to?" Disheveled from the event, Sakura backed away a few steps from the two and realized that the bigger man to her side had taken a more respective posture.

    "Prince Ciel! I had heard that some others had snuck out here. I just came to get them when I found her wandering here. I was going to escort her out and head back." Ciel glanced at Sakura as the knight gestured to her in explanation and smiled politely before giving his attention the taller and more fit man once more.

    "Thank you for telling me knight. Now you may go back. I'll loo- I mean, I'll send some servants to look for these knights and I'll take care of the girl myself. You may go back to the training grounds." The knight bowed swiftly, to Sakura's surprise.

    "Of course, Prince Ciel. Thank you." Ciel nodded and watched as he left while Sakura drew out a sigh of relief that came back when the other character looked her way at the sound. He spoke softly; almost shyly in comparison to when he was speaking to the other.

    "I am not supposed to tell anyone this, but… I'm not very good at being a prince. I don't like telling others to do things. I usually follow orders. It's been that way for a while." Chuckling to lighten the mood, Ciel started walking along the path that Sakura had been stopped on. He motioned for her to follow, and she did while he continued talking.

    "What is your name? Are you the girl that I have been informed of? I assume so, seeing as no other girl has set foot on this land willingly in the last... few months." Sakura nodded, mumbled a 'Yes, Prince Ciel' and almost clumsily caught up in step to him, but lingered behind as to not accidentally disrespect him in some way.

    "I am. I'm Sakura Kankura, Prince."

    "Kankura is your name?"

    "No, It's Sakura. Kankura Sakura. I apologize." Ciel smiled even more, although he seemed to be more tensed up than he was a moment ago.

    "That's fine, Miss Sakura. There is no need to say sorry to me when it was only a small mistake." Almost hesitantly, Sakura nodded in agreement and kept walking a few steps behind him. Slightly uncomfortable with the silence, Sakura finally allowed herself to gaze again at the overgrown plants.

    "... So. What do you like best about this castle, Miss Sakura?" Glancing next to him, Ciel was taken aback as he realized that Sakura wasn't walking beside him. Looking further behind him, he saw her, entranced by the flowers.

    "I've seen tons of these plants today as I walked through here and they all seem to change colors. Why is that?"

    "... I'm not sure about the flowers, but did you notice that the birds in the sky also change color as well? They change because of the light. It reflects off of their feathers. One of the servants told me that when I asked." He looked back in front of him and gazed at the sky, allowing the bright feeling of being able to see cover the shoved back emotion of regret and guilt. "I just barely noticed the flowers. I like looking up more than down." Sakura, now catching up to Ciel again after falling back because of the plants that always seemed to give her a very low attention span, fiddled with her own clothes that were obviously dirtier than Ciel's royal garb.

    "Do you have a gardener? Maybe I can ask him to see why." He shook his head as they both turned along on the path. The gate to the exit could be seen in the distance.

    "No, unfortunately. Maybe I should try to get one? That would be lovely; the garden wouldn't be so overgrown like it is now. This is one of the loveliest spots in the castle and it's also the most quiet." Sakura nodded as the gate slowly become larger.

    "I agree, Prince Ciel." Now the gate was starting to gain detail. Made with black bars and held with stone, it was designed with vine-like black metal that only a true craftsman could forge. Just before it, as the last plants to grow on the dirt landscape in the garden, Sakura saw the color-changing plant again. When Ciel stepped out after opening the gate, the obvious change from green to dark purple was completely ignored by him. "There could be a gardener in the city, Prince Ciel. I wouldn't expect anything less."

    "I'll call on a servant once we get inside. It shouldn't take long," He chuckled. "The city is only ten minutes away from here. If you run fast enough."
     
  9. UtauYork

    UtauYork Momo's Minion

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    Chapter Two [Part 2]:

    "You will be given payment for your care every week. The amount isn't too little, but unfortunately, you will only be allowed to leave once a day for a few hours every two weeks. The baby, is, in reality, only a baby, so that is understandable, is it not?"

    "Yes, it is, Prince Ciel." Walking up the vast amount of stairs, Ciel shook his head almost dejectedly, unable to fully find the appeal to being called a prince. They soon reached the third floor where the nursery was located.

    "You will take residence in the room directly next to hers. I was told that past maids had lived in their as well, so that is where you will be. You are also permitted to go anywhere you want with the baby as long as the place is in the castle, does not put you or the baby in obvious harm, and is not the dungeons or attic. You would have no business being in there, anyways. It wouldn’t be a very happy place to visit." They reached the nursery door and as Ciel grasped the doorknob, he turned his around just a bit to see Sakura.

    "Do you have any questions?" She shook her head.

    "No." Nodding, he opened the door. Stepping inside, he saw no one except for the baby in the rocking crib who was wrapped in a cloth different from the one Sakura had left her in. Sakura went inside the room as well and looked around, only to notice that the room was even cleaner. Searching, she found the spot where the grey mark on the wall should have been, but saw that it was no longer there.

    <i>'Of course, he would have cleaned here. That it his chore, right? But... he left early. Maybe he saw us coming from the garden?'’ </i> Peering hesitantly into the crib that the baby was in, Sakura saw her sleeping peacefully. Not sure what to do, she started rocking the small, wooden bed back and forth slowly, even though there was no need.

    "Miss Sakura?" Hearing her name, she looked up to see Ciel, who had moved back to lean against the wall next to the door.

    "Yes, Prince Ciel?" Ciel gave a sort of sorrowful glance towards her, and almost dwelled on the thought of having to use such an expression for one of the first times in his lifetime.

    "The sad truth is... you are the only one that can take care of her. None of the servants want anything to do with her, and I am sure that no other person would want to come here if they heard of her. I would try and look after her myself, but I’ll be busy soon.” He managed to leave out the fact that kids were also something he just couldn’t stand. They were too loud. “Look after her as best as you can, alright?" A pause took up the only noise that was made between the three. Even the creaking of the wooden crib seemed to disperse into the air as Sakura slowly stopped it. Clearing her throat, she spoke.

    "Of course. I will do my best and try hard, Prince Ciel." Smiling determinedly despite the unsettling news, Sakura continued speaking. "I'll raise little..." The silence filled the air once again.

    "...Miss Sakura?"

    "Little..." Ciel gave her an odd look as she stared at the baby with a thinking expression on her face while she trailed off once again.

    "Miss Sakura? 'Little' what?" She looked up at him in embarrassment.

    "What's her name?" Ciel stared at the baby as well, and after a few seconds of thinking, Ciel realized that he didn't know.

    "...We'll have to think up of one."

    ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕

    Sweeping through the city undetectably, the women who had only entered the crowd of busy people just a few minutes ago was trying to find a resting place to stay at for the night. She was mostly looking to see if anyone would have, at the least, a small inn, but she wouldn't mind staying at the place of a humble family as long as they didn’t mind as well.

    Continuously walking alone, her purple hair moved across her pastel yellow coat that was slowly being bleached by the sun she always seemed to be under.

    As she looked at signs to see if she could ever spot what she was searching for in the midst of the rather modest-sized city, she noticed a lone man standing in the center of the street she also happened to be in. He was only a few feet ahead of her.

    Focusing more out of pure curiosity, she saw him holding a piece of parchment that looked like it had been scribbled on in a hurry.

    "Gardener needed at the castle! Take care of the royal garden! Gardener needed as soon as they could possibly work!" He almost looked worried when people would past by him whenever he mentioned something concerning 'royalty'. No one took the job or even seemed interested in it as she stood there for the minute she went unnoticed.

    Well, she sure could garden.

    And she heard him mention something about staying at the castle.

    She <i>did</i> need a place to stay.

    When he finally saw her looking at him with a look that seemed to show interest, he gave her a hopeful expression.

    "Ma'am, would you like to be a gardener at the castle?" She smiled kindly at him.

    "Yes, of course. I wouldn't mind that."
     
  10. UtauYork

    UtauYork Momo's Minion

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    Wow. Sorry for triple-posting. It would've only been one if the chapter hadn't decided to go over the character limit. o3o

    @Pianodream Well, I'm glad you like it. vuv Sorry for getting Ciel's name wrong, by the way.

    @NicolaCola ;A; Wow. Thank you. I'm glad you like it! I tried harder with chapter two, but I think I'm still lacking. It's just that some things I'll be like 'meh' about and not explain it too much, and for others, I'll just describe the seeting very... loosely, I believe. xD;; I really need to work on descriptions a lot more. orz
     
  11. SakisCookie

    SakisCookie Momo's Minion Defender of Defoko

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    D'aww, Sakura. Takin' care of the baby~. >u<

    Excellent chapter. I can't do a full review right now, cuz I'm using my phone, but I will say that you need to be wary of run-on sentences. They can make your writing rather confusing.

    Still, good work. Can't wait for more. ouo
     
  12. NicolaCola

    NicolaCola Ruko's Ruffians Defender of Defoko

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    Ah, this chapter was pretty interesting, too. Gathering in all of the characters, I see~ Can't wait for the next installment!
     
  13. Pianodream

    Pianodream Momo's Minion

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    ME GUSTA MUCHO.

    Oh god "Prince Ciel" sounds sooo wrong to me XD

    And I think you forgot a vital fact about him/her: zhe's BLIND. XD
    So whenever you're writing about him/her, even if zhe's very skilled in acting like a normal person, zhe can't "see" the person who whom zhe's talking.
     
  14. NicolaCola

    NicolaCola Ruko's Ruffians Defender of Defoko

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    I thought that Ciel had just had some strange encounter before the prologue that caused him (or zhim, I guess?) to be able to see again?
     
  15. IrisFlower

    IrisFlower Precious Flower with Thorns Supporter Defender of Defoko

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    Yeah I thought the recovering from the "minor head sickness" meant that the blindness had somehow been cured.

    "I am definitely not used to these eyes. There was almost no need for them; I was doing much better with sound alone. Even if I could see through them just slightly, it didn’t change anything."

    Isn't what...that implies?
     
  16. Pianodream

    Pianodream Momo's Minion

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    Oh, I missed that part! Thank you for reminding me.

    Ciel with eyes sounds even worse than without. XD
     
  17. UtauYork

    UtauYork Momo's Minion

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    Chapter 3:

    “Is there any reason why you’re looking for a gardener so suddenly? Did the last one not do their job correctly? Or perhaps he just decided to run off?” She said, chuckling lightly. For the past few minutes that she had been walking with the servant, she had been trying, and failing, to make small talk with him. She figured that the walk to the castle was a bit of a long, quiet one, so chatting with him seemed to be a good idea.

    The problem was that he was a little too shy. Well… a bit more than shy. So shy, that if they lived in future times, everyone who tried to ever talk with him would say he had ‘social anxiety disorder’, in a rather rude way.

    However, since those times aren’t these times, she just assumed he was shy and continued on with her one-sided conversation.

    “Well, for whatever reason, I’m glad that I could get this job. To work at the castle! How amazing. Is this set in stone, or is the prince waiting to gather people up and then pick from the cream of the crop?” Not expecting an answer, she was surprised when he cut her off before she could even begin again.

    “You definitely have the job if you want it. T-trust me. You’re the only one brave enough to accept it with a smiling face.”

    “Oh?” She raised an eyebrow as the path they were walking on started to turn into dirt, rather than stone. “Brave? So I was wrong? No one ran away or got fired? It was just from some type of scare? That’s why the position was open?” Obviously joking about the situation with a smile on her face, she looked at the younger man, who was looking at her with a twinge of fear in his eyes. He didn’t have to say anything for her to realize that the situation was more serious than she had imagined it would be.

    “Well, I gue-“

    “Oh, please! Still accept the job! No one else will! I’ve been out there for hours… at least two!” The servant stopped suddenly, facing her and bowing somewhat. He raised his hands up together, as if he was praying. Completely caught off guard, and feeling a bit sorry for his dramatic plea, she rested a hand on his shoulder.

    “I wasn’t going to suddenly not accept the job. Don’t worry, whatever the reason, I’m sure it won’t happen again.” She released her hand from him and waved them around at the scenery. They were now on a dark brown dirt path with a few rocks lying around here and there. The landscape to the side of the road no longer consisted of houses and shops, but was now made of small and large trees that gave off a smell of mints and herbs rather than bread and goats. “Besides, we’re already in the forest, are we not? It’s too late now.”

    He nodded and stood up straight. He was still a little wary, but as they began walking in their quiet, normal, fashion again, he went back to his silent self. The only time he turned back to look at his companion was when he heard chuckling again. He looked at her curiously, and when she noticed him looking, she just shook her head.

    “It’s nothing, it’s nothing. You just reminded me of something funny that happened a long time ago.”

    ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕

    “I think that Kawaii Kokoro sounds like a great name, Prince Ciel.”

    “I am just saying that Kawaii Kokoro sounds a bit too extravagant as a name for a princess.”

    “I thought a princess was supposed to be like that?” Ciel rubbed his forehead slowly with his gloved hand as he felt a headache starting to form.

    “Ah… no. Not that extravagant.” Sakura frowned as she thought harder for a name. It was safe to say that she and Ciel had been thinking for a name for quite some time, now. So long, in fact, that Ciel had to leave the room a few times before to attend to some things while Sakura continued to look after the unnamed child.

    In reality, only a couple of hours had passed, but it seemed like they had been thinking hard for days. Naming a baby was a difficult process when you were a man who disliked children or a fourteen year-old that was still, despite the circumstances, a child herself.

    “Well, do you have any more ideas?” Sakura asked. Ciel sighed softly and made his way to the door. Outside, beyond the window in the baby's room, the sun was still high in the sky. It wasn’t actually very bright, but when Ciel turned to look at Sakura, the sun’s rays stabbed through his eyes like daggers. He shielded his face with the hand that he had been rubbing his forehead with while he used the other to hold the doorknob.

    “I’m afraid I don’t. How about you try to think of some more? I have to go take care of a few more matters, although it shouldn’t take long. I’ll be back in about twenty minutes.” Nodding, Sakura frowned as he opened the door and left. Turning to the baby, she rested her elbow on her knee and her head on her hand.

    “What will I name you?” She hummed out loud thoughtfully. “I liked Kawaii. You’re a little cutie.” She reached over and patted the newborn girl on the head from her spot on the rocking chair. After a few seconds, she stopped and sighed. Moving the seat back and forth like it was made to do, she sighed almost dramatically.

    “Less than a day and I’m already wishing that you’re eighteen. Oh no, I’ll be thirty-two by the time that hits! Right?” She looked up in thought for a few seconds, then, smiling, she looked back down at the baby. “Nope, I was right! Just checking, of course.” The newborn carried on sleeping.

    “Well, maybe I can call you…” She spotted the deep pink tuft of hair on her head.  “Momoiro! Oh, we already tried that…” A few more minutes passed as she thought of even more names, such as ‘Miku’ (A name that came from a teal-haired priestess that had long-since passed away.), or ‘Rin’, a little girl from a myth that parents told their children to scare them into not doing something they shouldn’t.

    “It was something about not doing bad things in front of mirrors. It’s been a while since I heard the story.”

    “Uh… Miss?”  Turning towards the door, Sakura was surprised to see the servant that Ciel had fetched earlier, along with a taller, purple-haired woman. Blushing a bit, she got up from her chair and went up to them, almost reluctantly.

    “Sorry, I was trying to remember a story. Nothing unusual here.” She laughed lightly and nervously. “Was there something you needed?” Looking behind the man, she saw the woman again, who smiled cheerfully at her when Sakura accidentally made eye contact.

    “Yes! I, uh, need to speak with Prince Ciel! I was told by some of the maids that he was here, but I don’t see him…” He looked passed Sakura impatiently and almost pushed her to the side when he couldn’t quite see behind her.

    “He left about ten or fifteen minutes ago, sir.” She said, bewildered. “He should be back soon. He said he would be, least. Would you like to wait here for him?”

    “…I guess so.”

    ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕
    Ciel walked through the hallways swiftly and silently. As the light from the sun showered through the windows and onto the newly polished wooden walls and floors, he almost looked like a ghost. His long, brown hair flew behind him as he pulled his wool cap tighter onto his head and then readjusted his uncomfortable doublet.

    Anything that he fixed, whether it actually needed fixing or not, didn’t help the fact that he felt incredibly horrible. For whatever reason, he didn’t know. He just happened to have this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. The feeling was telling him to feel guilty. The feeling was telling him to stop whatever it was that he was doing.

    However, he didn’t know what he was doing that would make him feel like such a dishonorable man. Did he forget something?

    No, his planner would have informed him. Wait, who was his planner? Maybe that was the problem.

    When the feeling in his stomach rose into his chest, he stopped walking, held his hand to his chest, and inhaled loudly. For a second, it had felt like something had pressed harshly against him.

    What had he been thinking about?

    He pondered for a second, moving his cap again so it wouldn’t cover his eyes so much. Oh, he needed to get back to the two girls, Sakura and the unnamed baby.

    He wondered why he had stopped in the first place and continued on down the hallway.

    ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ↕

    “Sorry I’m late, Miss Sakura, but I had to make a stop along the way. Do you have any names no-“ Walking through the nursery door quickly after knocking, Ciel cut himself off as he saw that Sakura and the baby weren’t alone. He looked towards a servant that he recognized, although hardly. He had sent him off to find a gardener while he and the girl had headed towards the nursery.

    “Prince Ciel!” Ciel winced at the name. “I-I’ve found a gardener! Here she is! I must take my leave now sir, I have plenty of things to do.” Rushing past him, the servant ran through the door and out into the hallway.

    ‘He must be very shy.’ Ciel thought quietly as he poked his head out the room and watched the servant timidly run away and disappear around a corner. Placing himself back into the room and closing the door behind him, he walked towards the mysterious person he had yet to meet. She stood as he approached, and bowed her head at him with her hands folded in front of floral-patterned pink dress. Looking back up with a smile once again placed on her face, she spoke as kindly as she could, which wasn’t a feat that was hard for her to accomplish.

    “Good evening, Prince Ciel! I am Iris Libra, and I’ve come to fill in the gardener position.” He nodded.

    “Yes, and you’ve already gotten it. I’m afraid that there are not too many people wanting to come here, these days. Although, some have, but that’s because they needed to. Jobs can be scarce for some people. Ah, have you had any previous gardening experience?” She nodded as well.

    “Yes, I’ve had my own garden before. I’ve actually had more than one because my family used to move around a lot. I’ve had about nine, and…” Drowning out the sound of Iris’ bright and mature voice, Sakura looked at her curiously. Something about her seemed off, but she couldn’t quite place her fingers on it.

    Was it her purple hair? Sakura herself though that was pretty weird, but the baby’s hair was pink too, and the priest in the city had blue hair, just like her dad.

    Was it her almost excruciatingly bright green eyes? Sakura figured they were that was because she seemed so happy and optimistic, which was actually a good thing.

    She seemed to be a traveler, though. Maybe that was it? Her pink dress hardly seemed to be stained with dirt, but her yellow cloak was bleached and faded, indicating that she had been under the sun with it on for quite a long time. That had to be it. Foreign people were always strange, but Iris acted nice. Maybe once she got to know her better, the ‘off’ feeling about her would go away. ‘Besides.’ She thought. ‘It would be nice to have a friend here if I’m going to live at this castle for such a long time.’

    “Well, you’re perfect, then. If you’ll excuse me, I have to talk with Miss Sakura, over there. You can wait here, and I might be able to show you the garden once I’m done.” Snapping out of her reverie, Sakura nervously played with her hands as he stepped towards her.

    “Any names, yet?”

    “Uh… no…” He shook his head.

    “Well, I was hoping you had some. It’s almost time for dinner to be served.”

    “Well, I suppose I can stay here and think some more, but nothing I think of seems to fit her. I mean I even thought of Luka, because of the pink hair. You’ve heard of the pink-haired queen that used to rule here in Antitatis a hundred years ago, right?” He answered quickly with a ‘yes’. “Well, I thought that would work, but look at her, her hair’s a darker pink and- Iris?”  Iris looked up from the baby sleeping peacefully in the crib. She moved her hand away from her, where she had fixed the woolen cloth around the baby and had tucked her in.

    “I’m sorry, she looked cold. I used to take care of my little sister, so I guess I would know that she was.”

    “Well, that’s perfectly fine.” Ciel spoke. “Have you also had a child before? You look about the age where you should be having one.”

    “Oh, no. No.” She looked back down at the baby and smiled. “I haven’t been able to have that option. She looks like she’ll grow into a very beautiful child. What’s her name?” She raised her head and glanced at both Sakura and Ciel, who have gone silent and staring. Used to carrying on conversations, Iris continued.

    “She looks like a Hekine to me.” She rubbed the small, sleeping child’s head. “Of course, she’s pretty quiet right now.” She said, chuckling.

    “Wow, that’s amazing! That is her name! You must be psychic!” Sakura shouted impulsively. Ciel calmed her down by placing his hand on her shoulder, as if trying to hold her back. Sakura blushed once more and shyly quieted down. Playing along, Ciel smiled.

    “Yes, that is her name. Hekine… Chinji Hekine. Her last name comes from the warrior of the Virrae-Antitatis Wars that happened very long ago.” He liked the way the name flowed together. It seemed to fit the baby very well, which was surprising, since Chinji was also just a name that had popped into his head. He was stunned that this person, that had been a stranger only ten minutes ago, could think of a name so suddenly.

    Just as quickly as Iris had taken the time to think of the name, Hekine started bawling. Sakura rushed to the crib.

    “Ah, I must have woken her up.”

    “Well, it looks like I’ll have to have someone bring up your food while you take care of her. Would that be alright?” Ciel asked. Sakura nodded almost sadly and picked up the baby. She tried rocking her in her arms to calm her down, which ended up failing miserably. Iris, seeing her having trouble, pointed her finger at Hekine.

    “She seems hungry, Sakura. It must be her dinner time, too. I know how to make milk, so how about I bring that up as well as your food? I’ll do it quickly, I promise.” Smiling kindly, Sakura sighed with relief.

    “Th-that would be great. You’re really good with children, yeah?”

    “I suppose so. Like I said earlier, I used to take care of my sister all the time.” As they were talking, Ciel took the time to open the door and walk out. Waving his hand at them, he called above Hekine’s crying.

    “Iris, seeing as you look like you can help Miss Sakura with her child-caring job, you can live in the room next to hers, assuming you’re staying here. You’ll be earning just a little less than Miss Sakura; however you’ll have more time to roam around the castle and the city. Feel free to help the other servants along the way, alright? I must take my leave.” Iris almost didn’t hear him as he left the room, and in a hurry to quiet the baby, she left hurriedly after him with a ‘Please wait, Prince Ciel! I don’t know where the kitchen is!’

    Alone, with the baby still crying in her arms, Sakura furrowed her eyebrows and pouted like a child.

    “Oh, well. Okay, then. We’ll just stay here. Waiting.”
     
  18. UtauYork

    UtauYork Momo's Minion

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    Oh man, sorry for taking about half a year to update this. I kinda loss the inspiration for this, but I believe I'm slowly getting it back. So if the chapter seems short to you, that's the reason. ono Sometimes it seems that things are moving too slowly, and at other times, it seems to move too fast. Anyways. Also sorry for double posting, but that'll probably happen a lot.

    @Pianodream
    And yes, I know that he's actually blind, but I figured I could use that to my advantage. In the story, he used to be, but now he's not. For a very important reason too, ahaha. ( ́・ω・`)

    @Everyone
    But ahhhhh, I'm really glad that you all like it. I'm trying real hard to take in the critiques that I get and to keep the character's in their personalities, but if I'm failing, then that's... that's... because I'm really stupid.
     
  19. SakisCookie

    SakisCookie Momo's Minion Defender of Defoko

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    SAKURA TAKING CARE OF BABY HEKINE OH GOD IT'S SO CUTE I CAN'T EVEN
    I'm glad you picked this back up. Keep it up! ;u;
     
  20. Asteriski

    Asteriski Momo's Minion

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    Not going to lie, I giggled quite a bit at "Kawaii Kokoro".
     
  21. NicolaCola

    NicolaCola Ruko's Ruffians Defender of Defoko

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    Ahhh, glad to see this being continued! Sakura, Iris and baby Hekine all together in the same room makes for a cuteness overload, ahh~ <3

    Great chapter~ Can't wait to read more! ouob
     

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