Original Song (in progress) Critique

Obakebaka

Momo's Minion
[soundcloud]http://soundcloud.com/obakebaka/carne-diem-test-2[/soundcloud]

Been working on this for the past month in conjunction with my CCVCC reclist. I've been using Czloid and Halt Tanner for demo vocals so far but I haven't fully rendered the lyrics so the words are represented by the piano sounds.

This is intended for release around Halloween time and this is only halfway through. I expect it to be around 6-7 mins long when finished. In order the voices I will be using are Sabi Akumuka, Nanase Tensei, Walter Souris and Mackie.

Here are the lyrics for this part (I have written further than this but what's the point of putting those up if you can't hear that part of the track anyay?):

Welcome to the Carnival.
It's a lovely day to enjoy yourselves.
Please come to our Carnival.
Ignore all of the lies that you have heard.

We have candy, prizes and more!
We have toys that you will adore!
Have many shots of our rides!
You can see we've nothing to hide!

There is a boy that speaks in tongues.
He grinds up the corpses of the people he takes.
His eyes glow bright like those of a demon.
The way that he smiles, gives people the shakes.

We have candy, prizes and more!
We have toys that you will adore!
Have many shots of our rides!
You can see we've nothing to hide!

There's a girl that lives in the funhouse.
Many souls go inside there and they never come out.
Those that survive are covered in blood.
And scared half to death when they hear her shout:

"Come have a try at the coconut shy."
(Hot dogs fresh from the grill. Come on down.)
"Three balls for a pound, do you have a good eye? "
(Got the tastiest burgers, that can be found.)
"Free extra throw."
(Please don't leave.)

We're hungry, so hungry.
 

KitWistful

Teto's Territory
Defender of Defoko
The intro's a bit long...Iiii think? I like the sawtooth-distortion-LFO stuff, but the instruments sound very underwater...I think it'll sound better when the mix is more polished. I like the sound of the piano...is that the placeholder for the voices? I think it'll sound good either way.

Thematically, I think the most compelling thing about the lyrics is the pleading tone to it- like, we're trying our best, please don't leave, we're hungry. I don't know what your plans are for the vocals so I can't really say much...I think you'll get the best result if you chorus the singers in an interesting way, because it seems like a solo singer will sound too bleary in a slow bassy song.

I think there's a cool track in here...anyways, I hope I helped. Good luck )^^)9
 

Lemondolly

Teto's Territory
Defender of Defoko
Kit Wistful link said:
The intro's a bit long...Iiii think? I like the sawtooth-distortion-LFO stuff, but the instruments sound very underwater...I think it'll sound better when the mix is more polished. I like the sound of the piano...is that the placeholder for the voices? I think it'll sound good either way.

Thematically, I think the most compelling thing about the lyrics is the pleading tone to it- like, we're trying our best, please don't leave, we're hungry. I don't know what your plans are for the vocals so I can't really say much...I think you'll get the best result if you chorus the singers in an interesting way, because it seems like a solo singer will sound too bleary in a slow bassy song.

I think there's a cool track in here...anyways, I hope I helped. Good luck )^^)9
The description should be read before you post lol

Anyways, I think that it sounds very good. I like it and it's cool. I can't to hear it finished. xD
 

Obakebaka

Momo's Minion
Thread starter
My dad wiped my system and so far the flp files aren't being recovered from the backup. I need a good data recovery software to see whether I've lost them forever or not. but Carne Diem was one of those files. I can remember how it goes and I have the lyrics and vocal midis but I don't know if I'll need to wipe again and reload again.

Also, something happened to my main PC so m music files on there are at risk, too.

I swear to god if they aren't saved I will MURDER somebody!!!
 

Taylor Savage

Teto's Territory
You have the stuff thumb drive it off and then do a clean up. After that you might need to redownload some of your files. I'm sorry if that didn't help
 

Hadal

Momo's Minion
like the feel of this track, really fits the halloween theme well :smile: Cant wait to hear the vocals. Could probably use some FX or percussion, just my opinion.
 

Obakebaka

Momo's Minion
Thread starter
I'm afraid I don't have the files. I've bought some really good recovery software but I don't know if it'll work for files that have gone through a DOUBLE system wipe. I can only cross my fingers and hope.

Anyway, regarding the beat and effects, I can't add those yet until I've finished everything else. In that orded they are both the second last and last things I do when creating original work. Because I usually get a better feel for a beat when I'm listening to a tune more than making one up and fitting a tune to it.