【UTAU Original】Alstroemeria【Iris Libra - Miles Gunner - Kumone Keishi】

bearhack

Disciple of Aoede
Supporter
Defender of Defoko
I really like the musical composition of this song, particularly the harmonies between the voices. The Alto/Tenor/Bass timbre of the three voices blends together well, though the Alto and Tenor have the tendency to overlap in places which causes the brightness of the Tenor to drown out the Alto, perhaps this could be fixed by adding a little bit of brightness to the Alto voice through EQ.
The melody fits well, but the iambic cadence of the lyrics sounds off in several places. As an example the first two lines: WHEN was LOVE so COLD, I can't feel YOUR touch A-ny MORE -- The stress on the first line is perfect, the stress on the second sounds off, more like it should be: I can't feel your TOUCH (x) A-ny MORE - cramming "can't feel your" into the off-beat allows the stressed syllable to fall on "TOUCH", which is then held through the implied unstress to link with the final "A-nyMORE" which sounded correct.
I really liked the climax - "what DOES it FEEL to DIE", did evoke a certain emotion I could channel, though "how DOES it FEEL to DIE?" with a distinct rising tone on the final syllable would have sounded better and be grammatically correct, and while the final chord cadence was fine and left me with a feeling of suspension, an authentic or perfect cadence would have lent the end of the song the closure that was implied by the overall theme.
So: In my humble opinion - A wonderful and emotional song with a complex theme and good composition, which could use a once over for additional polish to make it really shine.

"(TwT)" <-- Sorry, still channeling emotion. Yes, it was that good.
 
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Meta

Ruko's Ruffians
Defender of Defoko
Thread starter
Thank you so much for your feedback! I agree with all of what you said, and when I have the chance I think I will go back and apply your suggestions! (And I definitely agree, "how does it feel to die" would have been much better to go with) Thank you again!! Maybe in the future I could hit you up for some feedback when I work on another original? :D
 

bearhack

Disciple of Aoede
Supporter
Defender of Defoko
Thank you so much for your feedback! I agree with all of what you said, and when I have the chance I think I will go back and apply your suggestions! (And I definitely agree, "how does it feel to die" would have been much better to go with) Thank you again!! Maybe in the future I could hit you up for some feedback when I work on another original? :D
Anytime. ;-D
 

Meta

Ruko's Ruffians
Defender of Defoko
Thread starter
I listened to it yesterday, again and again, and it sends the infinite chill even inside my brain until now! I really love the song, the music is very stunning and the vocal arrangement is superb! :D

I downloaded the UST...and turned out it's CVVC UST. I really want to make the cover with my female voicebank (Kaiserine Sympherianne), but since I don't create an English CVVC VB for her, I'm not sure if making her sing in Engrish (I mostly prefer the world pseudo-English) really works or not. :/

Awe, thank you for your nice comments! I'm really glad that you enjoyed the song!

I'm sorry the USTs are in CVVC English, since those are the format of banks I used. >: You can definitely try converting the USTs to fit your UTAU and have them sing it in psuedo-English!
 
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