Original Help about lyrics TwT

Discussion in 'Music Production' started by danlof99, Mar 29, 2020.

  1. danlof99

    danlof99 Ruko's Ruffians Defender of Defoko

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    Some days ago I produced a song that I would like to turn into an UTAU original.
    It has some kind of Melanie Martinez/Ariana Grande's vibe.
    My problem is about the lyrics because english is not my native language sooo... I would like to know if it seems correct and organic^^

    Welcome to the reign of the buzzing dinasty
    You come at the throne bow down in front of me
    Here's my hand. follow my lead, lust is taking over me
    You try to run away trapped in my sweet fantasy

    In our magic kingdom
    I can be the fierce queen bee
    I know I'm your type
    Why are you back with that chick?
    Stung you in the back
    My poison smells like potpourri
    It circulates in your veins
    I count: one, two, three

    Maybe I've so much problems 'cause I'm not feeling okay
    You are one of them, your lies make everything turn grey
    Wanna take it back to our golden fantasy
    Bloody eyes stare now at you right from my balcony

    I just want my servant to tell me that I'm supreme
    You would have only made them cover your fooleries
    Once you taste the best you just would keep devouring me
    Sadly you are not yet on my level, honey

    In our magic kingdom
    I can be the fierce queen bee
    I know I'm your type
    Why are you back with that chick?
    Stung you in the back
    My poison smells like potpourri
    It circulates in your veins
    I count: one, two, three

    Maybe I've so much problems 'cause I'm not feeling okay
    You are one of them, your lies makes everything turn grey
    Wanna take it back to our golden fantasy
    Bloody eyes stare now at you right from my balcony

    In our magic kingdom
    I can be the fierce queen bee
    I know I'm your type
    Why are you back with that chick?
    Stung you in the back
    My poison smells like potpourri
    It circulates in your veins
    I count: one, two, three
    Now spell it with me
    Baby, R.I.P.

    Maybe I've so much problems 'cause I'm not feeling okay
    You are one of them, your lies makes everything turn grey
    Wanna take it back to our honey fantasy
    Bloody eyes stare now at you right from my balcony
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2020
    Ciel likes this.
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  3. Ciel

    Ciel Momo's Minion

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    To start off, "dinasty" is spelled "dynasty". I would recommend that you move the "now" in "Bloody eyes stare now at you right from my balcony" to the beginning of the phrase. ('Now bloody eyes stare at you right from my balcony'). In "Maybe I've so much problems 'cause I'm not feeling okay" the 'much' should change to 'many', and in "You try to run away trapped in my sweet fantasy" there should be a comma (or semicolon, but that doesn't matter much in the actual music) between "You try to run away" and "trapped in my sweet fantasy". Aside from that, it's pretty good.
     

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