How does this sound? (Short original song attempt)

Mougeki Mero

Defoko's Slaves
Defender of Defoko
So, I was feeling down cause of life things, and to distract myself from all the shit that happened since yesterday, I tried making an original song for UTAUs Ryuko Blair and Dill...Well, I'd like to know if this sounds good for a short song? Beware I intend to refine and use other instruments and VSTs for it, this is just a test of the song overall...

Also any tips on how to improve?

Rice Life

Ruko's Ruffians i honestly don't think you can improve it it sounds fluent and has a occuring pattern/repeating pattern, and if it's just the song overall all you have to improve is refine the instruments, i once tried no i attempted to make a original song it was so good but my computer died and my progress was lost and i can't recover it so i just gave up , but for a short song it is Good, it just depends if that is the sound your going for and the focus of mood and tone or the message, the theme, if it is intended to sound Anguish or down depressing than i would say you got that down, but for a short song it sounds mild enough, and not too much or over excessive having too much amount of things going on for a short song time frame. i mean if i'm being honest listening to it i got a minor headache maybe frequency waves?, probably just the sake of day and the piercing sunlight shining through my window.