my problem

[NinetH]

my confession

Spoiler

I can't really think straight right now. You see I have a serious problem.In IRL I move according to information. You see I don't like to have problems in IRL because I am a loner, I can't trust easily,. So I tend to avoid problems in IRL but I am very !@#$ing lazy AND I HATE IT VERY MUCH AND I CAN BARELY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. and because of that i become to irresponsible. And because I was irresponsible I have problems and it is literally killing me "suicide is always an option" is always in my mind. Though the problem that kills me the most is school.and my problem right now is school. I don't really know what to do I lack info. I am scared of what will happen very scared. I can't talk to this to anyone in real life because i don't trust them and they know me.I don't really have anyone to support me. no matter how old i am i am still a kid, still so weak. But now i have a dream, so i want to change. In the past i don't post stuff like this but now i am a little change but i'm glad about it. I've been living quite a long time with just only me supporting myself and I'm nearing my limit. I have accepted i am weak thus i need help

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doing this really calms me down

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and it helps me

 

[Zarsla]

I really have no idea what to say but....
PLEASE don't kill yourself.

 

[Tema]

From personal experience, you should really try to find someone to go to for help. I know it might seem like you can't go to anyone, but really think about it and pick the best of two evils (idiomatically speaking). Is there a guidance counselor or someone like that you could go to? It might not seem like a good idea, but when I was feeling really depressed, I started talking to the guidance counselor at my college. She was a crappy counselor, but going to her still helped get the ball rolling, and now I'm starting to get some quality care.

If you really can't think of anyone, I'd recommended looking into something like IM Alive. It's a site where you can talk to a counselor online and they can try to help you work through it a bit.

Here are a few links I've found helpful for when I was in a similar situation. Metanoia has some really good stuff, and while Lost All Hope seems like it would make your mood worse it actually helps some people feel better, especially the Surviving Today/Help Me bit.

*hugs* Just try to always keep your dream in mind. It can help.