RIP wowaka November 4, 1987 – April 5, 2019
(content warning for discussion of mental illness and suicidal thoughts)
Words cannot express how shocked I was with the news of wowaka's death. From my very early days as a Vocaloid fan, wowaka has always been one of my favorite producers. And Rolling Girl has always been my favorite song.
I first heard Rolling Girl sometime in 2010. I was 13 years old, and I had been struggling with depression and anxiety since age 7. I had been struggling with suicidal thoughts since age 10.
Rolling Girl was something of a revelation for me. Now, as a depressed preteen in the late 2000s, I, of course, listened to many songs about how no one ever felt the pain I feel and how living was so very hard, but Rolling Girl was the first song about depression and anxiety I heard that felt like they actually got it. For the first time, I heard someone express my exact thoughts and struggles with failure. I cried.
It turned out, people did feel the same pain I did. And it made me feel less alone. And since then, I've struggled over and over and over with my mental illness. I've failed a lot. The voices and voices keep ringing in my head. But this song has always been here.
When I was 13, I wanted someone to tell me it's ok now, just like in the PV. I still haven't met someone who has. But I know now, at 22, that someone else doesn't have to tell me it's ok. I have to tell myself that.
もう良いかい？もう良いよ。
Title: Rolling Girl (ローリンガール)
Music/Lyrics: wowaka
Art: akiakane
Video: yama_ko
Singer: Kohaku Merry Acrobat (戯白メリー Acrobat)
UST: RenjiTakuma
Subs: moetronsubs