Hello, I finally finished the rough draft for that hornet fan song I mentioned. Ok, that's a lie, I had it finished for a month and a half but family stuff got in the way. Here is the draft I got in musescore:
I got the lyrics written up, a violin to represent them (so no vocals yet), and a piano accompaniment (I played with the idea of adding more parts but not right now), and I would like to move into actually making the vocals using Utau now.
But before I can do that I need to know how this draft sounds, the are a lot of points in the composition that sound a bit off and I don't want to proceed before getting people's opinions first.
TLDR: I'm looking for some feedback, I don't care how harsh, as long as it helps me make this piece as good as it can be before I move on to the vocals.
Also here are the lyrics for anyone who wants to read them on their lonesome:
[VERSE]
through the green I stalk where blight takes root
a distant voice weeps for this desolate womb
the heart unseen, i lay besides its grave
await the day it breaks
tearing off my coffin lid
you plant your seeds
right in between my ribs
a rot now breeds
[CHORUS-1]
abandon all hope'
ill never grow weak with wear'
to heaven there is no roads'
cursed by the blood i bear
[VERSE]
through the green I stalk, I'll salt the earth
I'll tear out the weeds for the tomb you unearthed
the heart now seen, ill break the garden gate
ill grant god given grace
lunging cross the verdant garth
I try to reach
that loud incessant heart
source of belief
[PRE-CHORUS]
eternal I endure
for me there is no cure
[CHORUS-2]
abandon all hope'
i have grown weak with wear'
to heaven there is no roads'
cursed by the blood i bear
^cursed by the blood i bear
I got the lyrics written up, a violin to represent them (so no vocals yet), and a piano accompaniment (I played with the idea of adding more parts but not right now), and I would like to move into actually making the vocals using Utau now.
But before I can do that I need to know how this draft sounds, the are a lot of points in the composition that sound a bit off and I don't want to proceed before getting people's opinions first.
TLDR: I'm looking for some feedback, I don't care how harsh, as long as it helps me make this piece as good as it can be before I move on to the vocals.
Also here are the lyrics for anyone who wants to read them on their lonesome:
[VERSE]
through the green I stalk where blight takes root
a distant voice weeps for this desolate womb
the heart unseen, i lay besides its grave
await the day it breaks
tearing off my coffin lid
you plant your seeds
right in between my ribs
a rot now breeds
[CHORUS-1]
abandon all hope'
ill never grow weak with wear'
to heaven there is no roads'
cursed by the blood i bear
[VERSE]
through the green I stalk, I'll salt the earth
I'll tear out the weeds for the tomb you unearthed
the heart now seen, ill break the garden gate
ill grant god given grace
lunging cross the verdant garth
I try to reach
that loud incessant heart
source of belief
[PRE-CHORUS]
eternal I endure
for me there is no cure
[CHORUS-2]
abandon all hope'
i have grown weak with wear'
to heaven there is no roads'
cursed by the blood i bear
^cursed by the blood i bear
