WIP Need my Translation of Ken'Okan Checked

[Kazumimi]

Please disregard this post. I am no longer in need of any help!

I did a translation of Ken'okan by Minatsuki Toka and would like some feedback on my translation as I plan to ask for permission from Mr. Minatsuki to be able to upload a subtitled version of the video, but do not want to upload something with an incorrect translation.

Just to clarify, I am only looking for a second opinion on my translation. Nothing is finalized so I'll go back and edit if there are mistakes. Just point'em out and I'll fix them in my document!
(I say this because someone re-translated the entire song I'd already translated after I'd asked only for feedback elsewhere which was extremely discouraging since I'd spent months working on the translation.)

There were only a couple lines I was confused about, but I'm very confident in everything else.

Here's my translation:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1A7qa0Dq8vLkFy37GsvY3RCxfIUlcno9JCaGX6W195-g/edit?usp=sharing

(And I plan to try translating another song after this one, so if anyone has any pointers on translating Japanese please let me know!)

 

[Kiyoteru]

"almost 8 days" -> "8 days already"


ゆ looks like a fish but ん looks like someone falling over while skiing


Might want to translate it as some kind of crunchy noise instead of leaving it as the original "baribari"

General translation advice: I would highly recommend installing an extension like rikaichamp for Firefox or rikaikun for Chrome to get instant dictionary lookup on hover. Translation is a fun, but exhausting exercise, so make sure not to neglect traditional methods of studying in order to solidify your language foundations.

 

[Kazumimi]

Oh my gosh! I feel SO silly for not figuring out the "yu" looks like a fish part and the "n" looks like a person who fell while skiing! Now I won't be able to unsee it! Thanks for pointing that out!

Thanks for the translation advice, as well!