No, this is not a rant. This is a realization.

[Angel]

Dear all those people who apply to this (which is everyone),

I'm fed up with being here, and I'm just so un-motivated to work on anything even in IRL. I just can't meet up to this standard which I always have to be on.

I've tried time over time, trying to become a better person, a better friend. But most of the time I see that rebounded back to me, and I'm left with my UTAU working long nights just to see one person say ' Oh your UTAU sounds nice'

I know there are many people who try and try and try to just be a part of this community but are left in the dust because they don't meet the standards of the well-known users, who want good experienced people. Anyone who doesn't have that are 'helped' by us and left when they can stand on their own two feet.

Anyone who tries and say, 'You just got to work harder' for how long exactly? Most of these 'left outs' feel not without views or status but friends. Because you people just stick to your good UTAU-ers who can actually use the program. I know I have friends, but just like in my real life pop up when they want to, talk to me and then retreat to their 'better friends' and leave me alone.

My 'friends' are supposed to always be there for me, and me for them when they need me. But I always try and try and I'm constantly ignored. I know you people have other things to do and are not always online, but when you are I'm constantly trying to make my UTAU's better, myself better so that you my 'friends' can actually turn around and talk to me. I'm not trying to say you guys haven't been there for me, but lately I've been feeling really down and ashamed of my UTAU's because they're not good enough.

I feel so alone, when I'm online as if I can't talk to anyone. I always have to make the first move, and I just feel sad knowing you guys are there but I can't join in. Sometimes I blame it on my UTAU's, sometimes my personality. That because I not a 'insert well known thing' fan or knows nothing about 'insert well known thing here' that I can input anything. I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but really I'm just trying to speak from my heart how I feel.

Everytime I speak my heart, I get abused and called names. I just really want people to notice my presence, and not having to speak up, be jolly and put on my act to see if people reply.

I felt the saddest when I uploaded my Act 2 Release for Suika. Yes, it was poorly mixed, and a bit off time but I really worked hard and no one gave a look at it. I really wanted my friends to say 'Good job' 'Well done on Act 2'

I didn't want the likes and favourites. I just wanted my friends, no... people to say that all my hard work was worth it. And sometimes I stop myself but I feel 'jealous' when a mediocre cover is uploaded and it's instantly liked, favourited and so on...

So I don't know how long this will go on. But mabye if I feel left in the corner for a while longer, mabye I'll quit UTAU and just work on my other projects.

Thank you for reading

The end got a bit personal didn't it...

EDIT: Thank you for you comments. I was really upset when I made this but I've calmed down a lot more since then. But it's really hard for me to jump in and say 'Hai gaiz'
It's because all my friends have moved away, and my new friends ignore me like hell not that I even have a lot to begin with anyway. I just really want to laugh with people and have fun with UTAU, but it sees I haven't been able to do so.

 

[stormylullaby]

I feel for you, I do, but there are just some things about this post that are rubbing me the wrong way.

You shouldn't generalize the entire community here. There are tons of users in the same boat as you, & tons more who are worse off. (<-- Exhibit A). You're not the only one that feels like this, but making such harsh generalizations is hurtful. Perhaps you need to find some more friends that are supportive of what you're doing, who will be there & say "Good job! Amazing work!" & maybe even be nice enough to give you some critique.

I know this isn't what you want to hear; I definitely don't want to hear what I'm saying after what you posted. & I'm truly, truly sorry that this is probably gonna make you more upset than you already were. But not all of us are so bad. If I knew you better, I'd definitely be that supportive friend. I don't have many, & all my hard work gets shot down. I work so damn hard, & no comments. Nothing. I understand that fury of putting your all into something & then no one cares. It happens to me in real life too. & I hate it. But I can't just hate everyone for not noticing. I have to work harder. Or at least keep telling myself that.

I'm really sorry. Lemme end this quickly. You need a friend, I'm a friend. I'll be your friend if you want. I don't have many, & definitely don't abandon easily. I do honestly hope you feel better later & that you don't quit so soon~

 

[Ant]

UTAU is a LOT of work. It really is. And sometimes it feels like you're getting nowhere, or that you aren't being rewarded for your efforts. But it all comes down to how YOU feel about it. If you're proud of yourself, then it doesn't matter what other people think. I know how you feel, though, it's always nice to get comments that motivate you to keep going. I know ESPECIALLY what you mean when you say "everytime I speak my heart, I get abused and called names." Had an experience lately like that myself. I managed to keep my Vocaloid/UTAU love to myself, and it worked for a year or so. Then my brother found my iPod and played some Miku songs out loud, and now everyone in my family makes fun of me for it. It's really awkward just being around everyone. >n< Well, I'm going really off topic here, sorry. My point is, it's okay to say what you're feeling, and even though it may seem like no one is listening, if you keep working hard it will pay off in the long run. Plus you're UTAU is freaking adorable, lol, I think I commented on her Pon Pon Pon cover just this morning.

 

[UtauYork]

Well, I know how you feel. Completely. I don't have anyone to talk to online, so I have no friends in this community; I don't even have friends to talk to when I'm off the computer. I do try my best with everything I do and when I don't get recognized for it, I feel extremely unnoticed. But even after a year of gaining no friends here, I'm still trying.

And I like your UTAUs~. I can't look at too many covers because of my slow internet connection, but I definitely like it so far. They sound a bit nasally and the sounds seem just a bit inconsistent (I'm sorry, you probably don't want any critique at this point, but... feedback, right?;;; I apologize.), but that's nothing that more improvement and help can't do. I'm still trying to make my own sound better, even if it feels like I'm constantly pushing.

And if you want, I would not mind talking to you. You seem like a very nice person, and everyone on utaforum's more or less friends on here anyways, so why not? And don't feel too upset. Everyone hits these bumps in the road. I'm sorry if I'm annoying you with that, but unfortunately it's true.

 

[Angel]

Thank you for replying. It meant a lot to me, and I realize that there are people worse off than me. But I really want my UTAU Friends to reply to this, because I need to see what they think.

 

[moonst4r]

;A; I'm sorry you feel this way. Sometimes it does feel like it's easy to be ignored in the fandom because of the enormous amount of people and UTAUs. I've read some stories that it takes people years until they are noticed. Please don't give up. Try something different, experiment. Find some way to make yourself stand out and contribute to the fandom in some way. You can also try to advertise your work more by posting here, UtauOnline, Twitter, VocaloidOtaku, and other places.

Be glad that you're not shy like me. I remember before I made a confession on deviantART before that I feel that my shyness is holding me back. I'm afraid of commenting more because I'm afraid I'll word things wrong and people will misunderstand me. I'm also too shy to try to be more involved and try to meet new people. I let people come to me most of the time. I really wish I was a more extroverted person. It's frustrating for me sometimes because I'm afraid because I don't comment more people will think that I'm rude ;A;

So please don't give up. Try to have fun. Try to be satisfied with yourself. You can never stop improving. You are always welcome to chat with me.

 

[IrisFlower]

As a friend:

Spoiler

I feel incredibly bad and ashamed that you feel this way Angel...especially cause I feel like I'm probably one of your worst friends. One of the people you were talking about...I wouldn't be surprised.

I've actually kinda always felt that way, that I was ignoring you and talking to other people more...I hardly talk to you like at all...and I try to make up for it by including Suika in my projects like Winter Heat(I would have loved to have had her in my Duet project but it was already all planned out by the time we were friends OTL ) because I do truthfully like her but I still feel like it's not enough. Those times you've used Iris...made me incredibly happy you have no idea, so it tears me up inside to know I STILL haven't used Suika in a cover song, it really does. All I can do is write about her and include her in my stories but what does that do...and now after reading this I feel even worse about it than I originally did....

But I'm not trying to guilt trip you I swear. I just really want to apologize to you for hurting you and ignoring you. And hope that you can forgive me and we can still be friends...because I really do like you as a person and you're one of the nicest people I've ever met. I don't like knowing that I've hurt someone I care about and I wish I could have seen this way sooner and responded quicker...and I wish it didn't sound like I was making excuses and trying to make you feel bad cause I'm honestly not...I just really want to apologize from the bottom of my heart. I'd understand completely if you didn't want to be friends anymore but at least know I am truly sorry.

As a fellow UTAU user:

Spoiler

I hope...that even though you've run into some bad apples...that you don't give up on the fandom. There are lots of nice people here, honest. You just gotta look for 'em and advertise yourself. Make your presence known and if people don't want to listen oh well. That's their problem. Keep trying. I know you can do it. UtauOnline is such a small community...if you post stuff there people are guaranteed to at least get a glimpse at it. I know...we all deep down want our work to be noticed and when it doesn't get noticed we want to quit because what's the point?

But I know if you keep trying you can do it. Please don't give up. Not yet, okay?

 

[Angel]

Thank you. It's okay and everything's fine and I'm feeling better. As well as that, I'm getting better at UTAU, and working hard to improve. I just need to show some more effort in my work.

 

[Coffee]

The ones who are "higher" here than others have used UTAU longer than others or just have the nature to get along with others (I can't name anyone who is like this so is there even people like this?) :o
And don't take the UTAU-thing to seriously. There are like 1000 of UTAUloid and like 50 of them are "popular". I know my UTAUloids will never get "popular" and that's OK. It might suck but there's nothing I can do for it

 

[dCatharsis]

I've been using UTAU since 2009 and I still feel like a mediocre user.
Just saying.
It must be because I almost never get along with people, or because I don't like to draw anime, I don't know.


There will be always people that are better (and that are worse) than you, so please don't feel that bad.

 

[MagicalMadge]

I know how you feel. There's nothing I hate more than working so very very hard on something, then having people either say nothing about your hard work or they just bash it completely. Some people here have put me on the verge of tears. I've tried to be so nice and I feel like I can't be appreciated.