Critique Requested swaying magnolias - cassie-p

[mikumikuluver]

hihihihi!! this my first “song” (in quotes bc its so short lolol), this is just a short melody about the sweetness of spring. the translations aren’t perfect, I'm not a native speaker of japanese. i used the CV nana haruka voicebank for this tune. the melody and lyrics are all made by me. i would love to hear any tips or any suggestions about how i can improve on my music making, tuning, or song writing

 

[Asarima]

That's great! I would like to suggest some Japanese lyrics as follows:

この季節、モクレンの花が咲く。
その花びらが落ちてきたとき、
冬が終わったんだと気づくんだ。
潮が押し寄せては引き返し、
遠くで薄雲が軽やかに浮かんでる。

 

[noir]

though i can't offer much advice i think your music is quite unique !! the lyrics are sweet too !

 

[mikumikuluver]

though i can't offer much advice i think your music is quite unique !! the lyrics are sweet too !

thank you! i appreciate any feedback, even if it doesn't include advice. i hope you have a great day :3

Post automatically merged: Jun 26, 2025

That's great! I would like to suggest some Japanese lyrics as follows:

この季節、モクレンの花が咲く。
その花びらが落ちてきたとき、
冬が終わったんだと気づくんだ。
潮が押し寄せては引き返し、
遠くで薄雲が軽やかに浮かんでる。

thank you! i'll try these lyrics right away!

 

[Kierteiyu]

I can't offer advice as I haven't finished my first song yet but I love how surreal the song feels! It kind of feels like it surrounds me.

I'd love to hear more music from you!

 

[mikumikuluver]

I can't offer advice as I haven't finished my first song yet but I love how surreal the song feels! It kind of feels like it surrounds me.

I'd love to hear more music from you!

awh, i appreciate the support! good luck on your first song, i can't wait to hear it