ApolloAugustus

Teto's Territory
Defender of Defoko

i'm super nervous to share this, but also excited! this is my first original UTAU song (or first original song with any vocal synth for that matter!) it's based off my own experiences with trauma and mental illness. my style is heavily inspired by genres like breakcore and post-industrial music, so some parts may be a tiny bit grating on the ears. let me know what you think!
:sing:
 

Kiyoteru

UtaForum power user
Supporter
Defender of Defoko
This is really good! The lyrics and melody are well written with attention paid to the rhyme, rhythm, and stress. The instrumental is well mixed and all the elements work together, and having lighter and heavier parts does a lot to keep the flow going. The only thing I'm unsure about is that I can't really tell where verses and choruses are. I'm not familiar with this music genre, so maybe that's one of its characteristics. If you ever decide to write something more like pop music, pulling back instrumentation during verses and layering on instruments and vocal harmonies during the chorus would really make the sections pop.
 

ApolloAugustus

Teto's Territory
Defender of Defoko
Thread starter
This is really good! The lyrics and melody are well written with attention paid to the rhyme, rhythm, and stress. The instrumental is well mixed and all the elements work together, and having lighter and heavier parts does a lot to keep the flow going. The only thing I'm unsure about is that I can't really tell where verses and choruses are. I'm not familiar with this music genre, so maybe that's one of its characteristics. If you ever decide to write something more like pop music, pulling back instrumentation during verses and layering on instruments and vocal harmonies during the chorus would really make the sections pop.
wow, thank you sm for the feedback!! i'm especially happy that the mixing was okay; that was something i wasn't sure of. the genres i listed are pretty experimental, so i guess i was trying to get experimental with the format of the song as well, but i'll definitely try to make the verses and choruses clearer next time. i'm glad to hear that my first attempt wasn't bad though!
:uhuhu:
 

Kiyoteru

UtaForum power user
Supporter
Defender of Defoko
wow, thank you sm for the feedback!! i'm especially happy that the mixing was okay; that was something i wasn't sure of. the genres i listed are pretty experimental, so i guess i was trying to get experimental with the format of the song as well, but i'll definitely try to make the verses and choruses clearer next time. i'm glad to hear that my first attempt wasn't bad though!
:uhuhu:

It's totally up to you how you wanna write your songs! Pop song structure tends to be the most common in this community since we're vocal-focused, but you should definitely write something that's true to your own interests and musical inspirations. I'm looking forward to hearing more!
 
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breadstick

Teto's Territory
when i saw the warning i thought "damn this is just gonna be randomly edgy huh :/" but that was a LOT better than i expected dude!! i love defoko sm so im glad you used her so beautifully.
 
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ApolloAugustus

Teto's Territory
Defender of Defoko
Thread starter
when i saw the warning i thought "damn this is just gonna be randomly edgy huh :/" but that was a LOT better than i expected dude!! i love defoko sm so im glad you used her so beautifully.
tysm, i'm v glad you liked it!! and i love defoko too, she's one of my favorite UTAUs to tune ^^
 

atomicreih

Ruko's Ruffians
Defender of Defoko
Wow this sounds great! I love the machine theme in the lyrics and the production is great. I'm a fan of instrumentals like this (experimental, industrial), so this was a treat ^_^

Best wishes on your next project!
 
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ApolloAugustus

Teto's Territory
Defender of Defoko
Thread starter
Wow this sounds great! I love the machine theme in the lyrics and the production is great. I'm a fan of instrumentals like this (experimental, industrial), so this was a treat ^_^

Best wishes on your next project!
wow thank u, that's very high praise!! i'm super glad you enjoyed it! :uhuhu:
 

Reeses

Momo's Minion
I didn't comment this on youtube because I was scared but I feel safer here! Your song has helped me through so much! not only is defoko my fav but I can really relate to this song and the first time I heard it it was actually overwhelmingly, I had dissociated...Like actual dissociation. I'm also mentally ill. But it's because of how much I connected to it. I've played it whenever I'm having anxiety.
Machine girl will forever be my favorite song of all time! :sing:
 
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수연 <Suyeon>

Your friendly neighborhood koreaboo trash
Supporter
Defender of Defoko
I didn't comment this on youtube because I was scared but I feel safer here! Your song has helped me through so much! not only is defoko my fav but I can really relate to this song and the first time I heard it it was actually overwhelmingly, I had dissociated...Like actual dissociation. I'm also mentally ill. But it's because of how much I connected to it. I've played it whenever I'm having anxiety.
Machine girl will forever be my favorite song of all time! :sing:
Ummm... I know you're trying to be complementary, but you should really see a mental health professional about your medical condition. Disassociating is not a good thing. It is legitimately worrying and shouldn't be taken lightly.
 

ApolloAugustus

Teto's Territory
Defender of Defoko
Thread starter
I didn't comment this on youtube because I was scared but I feel safer here! Your song has helped me through so much! not only is defoko my fav but I can really relate to this song and the first time I heard it it was actually overwhelmingly, I had dissociated...Like actual dissociation. I'm also mentally ill. But it's because of how much I connected to it. I've played it whenever I'm having anxiety.
Machine girl will forever be my favorite song of all time! :sing:
wow, thank you so much!! i didnt expect anyone to relate to the song, much less for it to be someone's favorite song! this comment means the world to me <3 i'm glad to hear it helps when you have anxiety, but please take care of yourself!! i know dissociation isn't always fun (i'm having a dissociative day myself) and your mental health is v important. and once again, thank you!! i can only hope my next song will be as relatable lol
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Ummm... I know you're trying to be complementary, but you should really see a mental health professional about your medical condition. Disassociating is not a good thing. It is legitimately worrying and shouldn't be taken lightly.
it's possible they've already seen a professional; i personally have regular therapy sessions and am on medication and i still dissociate from time to time. it's definitely worrying, but us brainweird people usually know how to manage it ourselves :wink:
 

breadstick

Teto's Territory
I didn't comment this on youtube because I was scared but I feel safer here! Your song has helped me through so much! not only is defoko my fav but I can really relate to this song and the first time I heard it it was actually overwhelmingly, I had dissociated...Like actual dissociation. I'm also mentally ill. But it's because of how much I connected to it. I've played it whenever I'm having anxiety.
Machine girl will forever be my favorite song of all time! :sing:
y-yeah not everyone wants to hear about how youre mentally ill please get help
 
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