I recruit two powerful wizards to help me. They cast a powerful fear spell onto you, and you surrender the cheese to me in terror. The first wizard creates a portal to a location only he knows, which he throws the cheese through. As I jump through the portal, the second wizard wipes the first wizard's memory and his own, and the portal closes. I have the cheese. Good luck!
The cat, by the way, watches curiously as the second wizard releases it from your trap. It then walks up to the second wizard and rubs up against his leg once or twice, then sits where the portal was and looks over his shoulder at the wizards questioningly. "Meow?"
My clone, which I prepared a month earlier, realises that my original body has been consumed by an alien cat, and quickly goes up into space with a laser gun and blasts said alien cat. I take the cheese and go off onto a planet 500 lightyears away. I have the cheese
Yare yare daze...you forgot one special emergency clone, however.
My clone goes out and destroys you and all of your clones (and brethren) and swiftly takes the cheese.
The cheese is then stored in a highly secured vault, located underground on another planet very far away. This vault can withstand nuclear explosions and other highly destructive scenarios - the key to that vault has been thrown into a lava pit and has melted completely. Nobody can find or make another key for this vault! Even if you are able to find the vault, you will never be able to take the cheese from it.
I get my hand down his mouth and grab the cheese right before he ingests it. Then I destroy him with my laser gun.
I put the real cheese back into the vault, and throw away the key into a lava pit once again. I then banish you into far into outer space, never to be seen again.
The cheese is secure for now
I-I-Impossible! Your UTAU can't possibly break through the vault - it's been tested with nuclear explosions and meteorite impacts!!
You ended the thread earlier than you should've!! Now the universe will collapse into itself because the cheese no longer exists!!
...except it won't.
I made a backup cheese just in case this event should happen.
I roll out my ultimate weapon - the YEET-1337, a powerful laser weapon that disintegrates all known materials and lifeforms, and I destroy both you and your UTAU, as well as any other backups you have.
I make a new vault that can now withstand anything and everything - I place the new cheese in it, and then throw the vault into an alternate dimension which no object of any kind can enter through.
My skull quickly grows back, and I again use the YEET-1337 to destroy Hana. The tiny detail you forgot was that the YEET-1337 destroys all known materials and lifeforms, including spawns of Satan, or anything from Hell
a n y t h i n g _ t h a t _ e x i s t s _ i n _ a n y _ u n i v e r s e _ o r _ p l a n e _ c a n n o t _ s u r v i v e _ t h e _ Y E E T - 1 3 3 7 (that's the tagline btw)
I get out another backup cheese, place it into the vault and throw the vault back into the inaccessible alternate dimension.
All parties have forgotten about the cheese's origins, for the store it came from had a spell that stopped this very special cheese from destruction. The cheese teleports to a random alley, where I just so happen to pick it up.