I don't like the UTAU community. I've been into UTAU for a year and a half out of my own enjoyment. I started when my best friend got into UTAU and I thought it was really awesome so I started too. I was kind of alone doing my own thing for a long time, not even realizing there was a huge community or so many other UTAU out there. When this did dawn on me, I was very hesitant to join. I wasn't sure what to expect.
So I a few months ago I finally made the effort. I sucked it up, I joined UO, I made an account here, I even finally made Wiki pages for my UTAU. I think the reason I was so hesitant to do any of this is because I always thought I would screw something up, people would call me a retarded newb and that'd be the only impression anyone had of me. And I'm not great, really. I ask a lot of stupid questions and people get annoyed at me for asking them, but it's because I have a hard time understanding what I have to do and I want to be able to get better.
I was afraid when I joined the community, I'd just be told straight up that my UTAU suck and I should stop trying and just give up. Well, I didn't get told that. I got told nothing, really. Upon \"joining\" the community... no, not joining. I feel I am an outsider looking in. A lot of people are friends, and I want to be able to make friends, but I feel like no one really wants me around. If I point out a cover I made or am particularly proud of I feel I am being annoying and trying to shove my UTAU in other people's faces. I try to be very conscious of this because I don't want anyone to be annoyed with me.
I have to say though, thinking I am getting judged drove me to improve by many large strides. Instead of just dicking around by myself I felt I had an audience to impress. it wasn't true, but I liked having the feeling because it has truly helped the quality of my work. Even if there actually is no audience. But personally I can feel happy knowing that my UTAU have gotten better... even if no one else has noticed.
There are lots of reasons no one notices me. My UTAU aren't anything special. I'm not able to be around a lot because I have a life, I go to college and I have a lot of work to do. UTAU is one of the things I can play with in the little spare time I have. I think of my UTAU as people and I want to help them reach their full potential, and just like real people I get frustrated with them to the point I wonder why I still bother. And then there are the moments of euphoria, the eureka moments where I go, \"Oh! That's why I'm doing this!\"
But the community itself. It has helped me improve, sure. But most of the people I've had the off-chance to talk to have been quite standoffish. Perhaps because I am not in this circle of friends. It feels a lot like the cliques in high school and I guess that's partly due to a lot of the community being teenaged girls (I'm not saying this is bad, just my thoughts on the matter). there is a lot of drama. None that I have been involved in, but drama that makes me sad it would happen in a community that claims to be supportive of one another.
In the few months I've been looking in from this window, from the outside, almost everyone seems extremely self-absorbed. of course everyone would be focused on their own UTAU. I would be a hypocrite if I said I wasn't focused on my own. But when I start a conversation revolving around UTAU, and I want to hear the other person's because I am interested in what they sound like, it is suddenly a barrage. Here listen to this cover, and this, and this, haha, so many people have complimented me on these before. Maybe they're like me an they are just so excited to have someone finally, finally want to listen to their UTAU without them bringing it up first. But I thought in a UTAU community, shouldn't everyone be interested in what hearing others' UTAU sound like, and not just trying to throw their own out there at every possible moment?
I'm a little saddened by my experience. I guess there was a good reason to hesitate to join. I try to say nice things to people and when you start to do that, they just want to hear more. I suppose it is my own fault for starting to feed it to them.
So... I it makes me wonder if I would want to stick around. If I leave, no big loss, I can go back to my little hole and the status quo has not changed.
![[K] of Honor](/data/medal/1_1406930084l.jpg)
