• If you do not recieve your confirmation email within a few hours, please email haloutau@gmail.com with your username for manual validation. Your account should be activated within 24 hours.
    You may also reach out via any other listed contact on Admin Halo's about page: https://utaforum.net/members/halo.194/#about

Rant Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.

Asteriski

Teto's Territory
My mom's always getting on my case about how I call people idiots too much. I'm sorry, but I AM surrounded by idiots most of the time. I'll stop when they exhibit some faint sign of common sense.
 
You can just skip over this...
I'm sick of my Mom telling me how worthless I am. And then, crying over my low self esteem. She tells me all the time that I look like a boy, and how horrible I look when I don't wear 5lbs of foundation. And, when my best friend died, and I became depressed, she told me to suck it up. Oh, self harm? You're possessed.Or, Homosexuals are the devil. NOT EVERYTHING IS THE DEVIL. I love her, and I know she has problems with her depression, and anxiety, and I know her brain surgery caused a lot of trouble, and how she develops tumors, or when she almost died over the summer, these are the times I'm supposed to love her, and appreciate her, right? But, I don't know if I do. I'm a terrible person. Sometimes, I want to just run away, maybe it'll make life easier on her. If I just disappeared off the face of the earth, She won't mind. She's endlessly trying to put me in the hospital, I swear. I wonder if I'm just the horrible person, and she's the good natured one...//
 

adriann

Ye Olde Fart
Supporter
Defender of Defoko
Omg Saki...
...
... ;; omg

-what I came here for- orz
I hate it when a video is labeled【UTAU English】 when it's actually just Japanese phonemes manipulated to try to sing English. It's really disappointing. It makes it more discouraging for people who actually do English-capable banks to label their video as such without having others look it over because it's not a popular UTAU's video that has "UTAU English" on their title, you know? Well, it's how I feel, anyway.

Also, my family needs to not talk as much as they do. They take like a paragraph to tell me something that can be said in three words or less. The end!
 

WhiteRoseMarie

Momo's Minion
I put way too much on my plate and I'm too stupid and stubborn to give up any of it. Music, School, Tutoring, Softball, Packing, College. . .everything is just piling up and there's no time for all of it. I've gotten sick again, it's slowly coming over me and I feel just miserable. My legs, which have been giving me trouble since I ran in our gym at the beginning of the year, are killing me worse from Softball to the point where it's hard to walk without crying. Hell, I can barely keep off of them without crying from the pain in them. It's not a "oh, I worked out, pity me" pain. . .it's a. . ."I think something's wrong" pain. But my coach doesn't understand it nor does my mother. . .neither understand that something is seriously wrong with my legs. . .and I'm too stupid to quit playing. . .I have the slightest hope that he'll just kick me off the team because I'm no good and I'm in too much pain to play. . .but then I remember that it costed me $168. . .and I just start crying again. To top it off, my grandparents said that I shouldn't even bother going to college because I'll just waste money, give up and all I'll do is "binge drink and panty raid". I've always been a good kid, never been in trouble. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't lie to people, I don't run off without saying something, I've not been knocked up. . .yet they think that I'm going to fail in life. That I'm worthless. . .and that hurts so bad. . .My grades are dropping from this, because I can't have a moment of peace and because I've got so angry that I started packing my stuff and ended up packing my homework that was a big part of my grade. I just keep thinking that I just want the pain to go away and that I'm tired of this stupid life all ready. . .

And about the only good thing is when my mother texted me for no reason to say "I love you and you are perfect to me in every single way." She said that she just got a sudden urge to stop all that she was doing to tell me that. . .and it was right when I was started to break down. . .

But I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to quit. . .but there's too much on my plate and I don't want to ruin my life by ****ing up my legs permanently. . .

I know I need to talk to my coach. . .I just hope he'll actually listen to me. . .no one else does. . .
 

smeen

Ruko's Ruffians
Defender of Defoko
Oh man I keep talking to myself... I'm all jumpy and hyper... I feel so baddddddddddddddd... //cries
 
D

dCatharsis

Guest
My parents want me to leave home at sunday.


And university starts at monday.


And if I leave at sunday, I'll have to put in order all my stuff in my new room in just 1 day.



JUST. ONE. ****ING. DAY.



http://www3.picturepush.com/photo/a/5159766/480/ETS/Are-You-****ing-Kidding-Me-HD-by-CrusierPL.png
 

SakisCookie

Teto's Territory
Defender of Defoko
Note: the following post is powered by an entire day of emotional turmoil, so if it seems a little too rage-fueled, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be...mean.


Raise your hand if you're sick and tired of morons that have no idea how to use the UtauWiki.

I know I am. I'm sick of seeing 'YouTube links' that actually lead nowhere.
Just going to YouTube and searching your UTAUs name in Japanese and copying the link DOESN'T. WORK. IF. NO. VIDEOS. SHOW. UP.

For God's sake. Do people honestly do that, see that none of their videos show up, and think to themselves, 'I'm sure people will retype the name themselves and find the videos on their own, herp.'

And another thing. What's with the pages that lead to nothing!? I've seen SO MANY pages that are like, 'Songy Singerson, age 16, likes puppies desu. What? You want a picture and voice sample? Well the UTAU doesn't actually exist yet. I'll get to that eventually lolololowqiqwhdkjnasd~.'

Ugh. UGH.
 

IrisFlower

Precious Flower with Thorns
Supporter
Defender of Defoko
People who fave my fictions the moment I post them...it irks me so badly. I know there are those of you out there who thrive off of everyone faving your work and loving it to pieces but this isn't a picture or something you can look at and go "Oohh pretty." -faves-...this is a seven page piece of fiction I'm talking about. Not even a solo piece of fiction...a chapter! And the people who spontaneously fave haven't even read the other chapters I'm sure. I don't expect favorites until like hours after I post it and those are always from people who have been regularly reading it =/

When I get spontaneous faves it makes me feel like all they did was look at the preview image I use, think "Ah, cool.", and faved without even bothering to read the story I spent hours writing u_u

And I'm sure someone is going to tell me, "Be glad they faved cause my work doesn't get faved at all" but really? What are they faving? The story that I actually worked hard on or the preview pic I spent five minutes on? I'd rather them just ignore me entirely...
 

Chihaya

Momo's Minion
I haven't been on in awhile, and I figured I could post a little something that hopefully won't be seen as annoying or irritating.

I've been complaining a lot lately. About home work, about school in general, about my friends, about how my friends treat, me, b'awwing about trivial things (and believe me, they're trivial), the weather, teachers, sports, about my family, and jhgkshgqkuwaelh in between.

I feel horrible for posting this because, ultimately I continue to encourage others and myself to do stupid things that spark my complaining. I don't want to seem as annoying or no fun, and I feel horrible about it all. I won't go into detail, but, for a lack of a better term, I've had a really shitty attitude as of late.

Every time I log onto deviantART or some site of which I post, whether in text or art, I complain about how no one comments and things like that. But, of course, realizing that I don't really do anything I can only blame myself.

I just think I need to cool off and stay away from others for awhile, but of course, remain civil. I guess I've been stressing myself about and whining about everything because I'm never truly happy with myself. I don't like myself that much and it shows whenever someone mentions my name or I complain about something it always gets worse. I feel that I've been a really bad friend to everyone and that I should just keep my mouth shut.

I've even been complaining about my singing, which is my passion. I anxiously want to do something in UTAU, and post covers and things, but I'm so critical of myself and paranoid about what others say that I'll never truly be happy, and I'm beating myself up. My mom thinks I'm so lazy and beating-around-the-bush with everything, so it's difficult for me to stand up for what I really want. /hgjsklr

S-Sorry if I seem like an attention sex worker. ;;
 

Astral-Arts

Ruko's Ruffians
Defender of Defoko
This is going to have swears in it, so if you aren't ready for it don't look into the spoilers. XP

My BFF's now ex boyfriend is a ****ing idiot. He is usually a total dick, and I've basically been pretending to be friends with him for about 6 months (since they started dating) because I love his girlfriend to death and wouldn't want to hurt her. She's sweet, innocent, loving, and would have basically done ANYTHING for him. Throughout their relationship he has basically ignored her. They kissed. On the cheek. Once. They don't hug (but she wanted to), they don't hold hands (she also wanted to), and even though he ignored her for his other friends every single day they were together she still loved him more than anything. Seriously, he barely spoke to her, didn't invite her to any of the parties for our Anime Club (even though she's in the club) and ignored her balling her eyes out at our last chorus concert. He looked at her, saw her crying, looked back at the people he was talking to, and then kept talking to them. Today he broke up with her, saying he "just wanted to be friends". Which is funny, since he is no longer talking to her, even though she really DID want to stay friends. Now she's crying her eyes out, wishing she could dissapear, and the only thing I can think about is how much I'd love to kill this prick, and somehow make her feel better.
 

moonst4r

Witch of the Night
Supporter
Defender of Defoko
Allergies. Sneezing. Runny nose. I look like I'm crying.

Ugh, I hate spring.
 

WhiteRoseMarie

Momo's Minion
I wish I could stop feeling these things.
'Maybe if I died. . .' 'Maybe if I disappear. . .' 'I'm sorry. . .' 'I'll never be good enough. . .' 'No one notices me anyways. . .who would care?'
But I can't. For all my life I've lived with people who have high expectations of me. . .expectations that I can never reach, no matter how I try. . .and when I don't. . .
It turns into a 3 hour conversation about how I'm irresponsible. How I'm never going to survive outside of these walls. How I'm such a ****ing failure and a disappointment. . .
And I'm expected to just take it. . .To sit there, say nothing, accept it, do nothing to defend myself. . .
I know something is mentally wrong now. 3 years of this mental abuse. . .of this emotional abuse. . .but who would even listen to me if my own family cannot?
Tonight was one of those nights. Scratch that. Today was one of those days.
I have a lot on my plate. It's my Senior year in high school. I have more than one class online - no teacher, just me. All me. Plus college courses. . .plus going to college out of state, so I have to start packing like now. . .and to top it off, I have normal in class things and I'm in Band and Music. I'm a tutor too. It's a lot. . .but for no reason I joined Softball too. Probably because I've been told that I don't do enough and that if I want to make an effort at making friends then I should join. So I do. And I bought gear. And I tried so hard to stay in. Within two weeks, my grades dropped harshly. My legs got to the point where if I barely shifted, I'd cry from pain from a leg problem that I developed at the beginning of the year. I love practice - but there's no way I can play games. . .but it's quit or nothing, RIGHT COACH? I mean, obviously, it's play to ****ing win and if my legs are at a point where I can't walk for a week after running nonstop, THEN I'M TOTALLY ****ING MAKING IT UP. RIGHT COACH? RIGHT? So I dropped it today. I quit. I save the school money. They don't have to buy me a uniform. I go to get my bag from where I was told I could leave it and it's missing. . .

$168 of gear just walked off an ****ing vanished.

Oh, but that's not the kicker. No. The kicker is coming home to tell my family that I had quit and that the gear was missing. Oh man, oh man. . .

It starts off with a few things. For one, my father is dissappointed with me. MORE THAN DISAPPOINTMENT. I've finally have EARNED my father's love and support and became his DAUGHTER instead of that girl that came with the woman he married. FINALLY. And I've disappointed him so much that he doesn't want to talk to me until Saturday.

My mother is the only one who ISN'T mad at me. She's proud of me. Because, hey, I'm being RESPONSIBLE by REALIZING my limits and making the decision on my own without anyone TELLING me what to do.

But the grandparents who live with me. . .oh man. . .

The grandmother starts with this rant about how irresponsible I am. Of how much of a quitter I am. Of how I'm never going to survive. Of how disappointed she is. . .YELLING at me about all of this. . .for 3 hours. THREE. Apparantly I'm irresponsible because my gear got stolen (totally my fault, right?), because I'm 18 and not knocked up yet, because I'm 18 and not living on my own yet, or married, or paying bills, or have a job. That I'm irresponsible for dropping Softball in favor of my school work - that I need to drop Band and Choir which are CREDIT CLASSES at my school. How I shouldn't even bother to go to college because I'm going to waste my life away anyway.

My grandfather. . .? I'm pretty sure we're not talking anymore. And actually. . .I'm okay with that. He asked me "where was your gear this morning?" "It was there last night, but not this morning - I don't know where it went." But I couldn't finish that. I got to "last night" and he slammed his stuff down on his tray and gives me this look and yells at me to answer the question instead of dancing around details.

Something snapped at that point. I've spent today being told how horrible I am at school by my teachers. . .I spend my night being told how much of a failure I am PERIOD. I started to yell back. Which got everyone mad because that's disrespectful to my elders. But this has been going on for 3 years. Three years of being a failure, of having it beat into my brain that I'm worthless. . .I can't just bite my tongue. I guess I fail at that too.

At school. . .I don't have friends. I tried. 3 years I've tried. I get a friend. . .they leave me behind. It's not me. . .well. . .it is. A town this small. . .if you're not born here, you don't matter. If you're different, forget integration. . .

And that goes for teachers too.

I've been noticing it since last year. . .there's a big difference in how my teachers treat me and how they treat all other students. When I answer in class, They roll their eyes or ignore me. . .by ignore, I mean my answer is right. . .someone repeats it and the teacher says they were right but had just told me I was wrong even if it was word by word copying of what I said. . .They also keep conversations very short and offish when I try to talk to them about school at the appropriate times. . .but other students do the same and are able to get the help they need while I cannot. If anyone else came to school like I have been - admittedly dirty, sad, tear stains, not really changing clothes much. . . - they'd flip the **** out and try to fix it. They turn away at me. No one wants to help me. Why am I dirty? Because I can't take a shower often because we have one bathroom and it'll raise the water bill and I take too long and my grandmother has a ****ing incontinance problem. Why not change clothes? I just don't have the energy anymore to do anything. Pushed so hard that I've. . .broken. That's the damn truth, and this is the first time I've told anyone about it. So don't tell anyone who knows me!

To top it off. . .you can't hear announcements in most of my classes. You don't hear the message or that there even was one. But it is obviously my responsibilty to know there was an announcement and its totally not the school's problem that their PA system is jacked up.

Oh, and I got my ass reamed all day because my teacher gave us permission slips for tomorrow's trip . . .on Thursday. So I haven't had time to get everyone's signatures until the end of the day today. So I have to turn it in first thing tomorrow. Totally my fault that the teacher can't do her ****ing responsibilities and get us what we need in an orderly time. Also, I don't understand why I must get my mother's signature on my insurance and permission slip. I'm 18. My insurance is through MY name. Not my mothers. MINE. My mom doesn't even HAVE insurance. I do. Why can't I sign for myself to go on a trip or to say I have insurance? Do they realize my mother is almost never home because she has 4 clients and works an hour away all day? She comes home and goes to bed. I barely see her anymore because she's trying to keep her hours because you never know when they might fall due to someone dying (She's a In-Home Health Care Provider). So every teacher saw it fit to tell me how irresponsible I am for turning it in last minute.

I just want to get out of here. . .

11 more weeks, 6 more days.

I just keep repeating it.

I keep reminding myself that when I'm on my own. . .I'll make it like I did last time.

Now I'm going to go to bed. . .lay there for 2 hours (possibly crying so more). When I finally fall asleep, I'm going to have my 10th nightmare in a row and I'm not going to get any rest. then I'll go to school, sing in the choir concert, and then come home and continue to be the failure.

You know. . .
The one that has never drank, did drugs, got arrested, stole, got knocked up, had sex, etc. Yeah.
True Failure Material Right There.
Totally irresponsible me.
 

smeen

Ruko's Ruffians
Defender of Defoko
I'm now going to rant about something completely irrelevant. Pokémon. Yes. Now don't look at me like that. This totally matters, okay? It matters for me, so suck it up.

With the new games being revealed part by part, I cannot stand all the hate going on. And I'm not talking about people who just don't like Pokémon or Gen V, I'm talking about those who hate without giving good arguments. This happens in more fandoms, but I don't care I'm annoyed by Pokémon hate right now.

People keep on hating the games for not being 3DS exclusives. I BEG YOUR PARDON, but how would that ever work? It's a direct sequel for a DS game. DS, without the damned 3 in front of it. And by the way, have you ever seen a 3D Pokémon game before? Not a stupid spin-off, a base game. No? Me neither! Don't act all spoiled about it. Also, would you deny those who have played the first part but do not have a 3DS for playing a sequel? Isn't that hypocritical? Yes it is.

Also, no the Pokémon designs did not get bad suddenly. They have gotten a bit more colourful. Oh, is that so bad? Does that make things stupid? Some more colour? And yes, the drawing style changed. But guess what: It is 2012, things are nowadays drawn digitally, not traditionally. That is a huge difference, every ****er knows that. It is not that hard to understand, right? And yes, Gen V has an icecream Pokémon. But Gen I has a pile of slime, Gen II has letters, Gen III has a moon and a sun, Gen IV has a bonsly tree. Please, stop thinking that everything that is new is what sucks. And if it sucks, have some good arguments.

But apparently, you don't need arguments anymore these days. Such a shame, I'll never be interested in anyone who can't get a good discussion going.

I'm sorry for this pretty useless rant, just needed this...
 

Nikiten

Momo's Minion
I really don't feel like a member of the utau community. I lurk the forums frequently and post wherever and whenever I feel like I have something to contribute but usually it seems like I get ignored (unless it's a free art topic, since free art! ****.)

I'm pretty much alone most of the time, especially when I get home from school which is why I look to the internet for attention. Ever since my dormmate friends moved out and new roomies moved in I've been falling in and out of depression.

I always feel so left out. It all started when they moved in, because they soon became the best of friends and I was just always there, always trying my best to help and it's like I WASN'T THERE. Sometimes I'd invite them to eat out with me sometime and they never do but on some days they'd go out and not invite me.

I even sent an apology last Christmas. Things turned out better for a while, but now it's just worse. I just ignore them now. I never talk to them anymore.

So anyway, I usually just spend time online because I don't really talk to a lot of people. And sometimes I still get the feeling that I don't belong there.

I don't really have anything to contribute to the utau community because I'm not particularly good at it. But I love utau. I don't know why. I just want to feel integrated with what few fandoms I have.
 

UtauYork

Teto's Territory
  • Tries to record for a VCV bank; accidentally records with laptop mic
  • Tries to record again; microphone's being a pain and makes weird... thumping noises
  • Realizes she has to buy a new mic... with what money?
The money I'll have barely earned by the end of the month, that's what. (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

...I also watched Nun & Idol Girl for the first time... I just thought that I should throw that in. It kinda seemed rant-worthy.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.